Motives
by Aeolian Mode
Summary: "Once I thought people couldn't surprise me anymore, that everybody is all made of the same backstabbin' shit as the next guy. But now… I sure as hell ain't gonna see people the same way anymore." Against the obvious odds, BLU Scout explores RED Medic's story, and this leads to unforeseen consequences that very well may change his life. Rated for language and violence. No slash.
1. Schrecken

_A/N : I haven't written anything in a very long time, and I haven't written a serious fanfiction in much longer than that. I'm trying to get back in-touch with my writing side and hopefully I will get in the habit of creating things more often.  
Since I'm currently interested in TF2, I decided to give it a shot. This encompasses several of my headcanons, one of which you'll have to know ahead of time, otherwise some of this might not make sense. There is only one of each team member, so there are no clones: each character is his own individual._

_RED: Medic, Heavy, Demo, Engie, and Sniper_  
_BLU: Pyro, Scout, Soldier, and Spy._

_I hope you enjoy it, and if you have any critiques I'd love to hear it so I can improve. Thank you._

FOREWARD

Alright, kid. So you wanna hear my story? Listen up, because I'm only gonna tell this story once. I hate a lot of things, and repeatin' myself is high up on that list. You wanted to know my story, how I got here, why I decided to stay, but I ain't gonna tell you all that. I hate sentimental crap. And I hate wastin' my breath.

But I am gonna tell you one story. It's probably the only one worth tellin' and you won't be hearin' it again. So take notes. Learn from me, kid. I'm above a lot of things, and takin' people for granted is one of 'em. Once I thought people couldn't surprise me anymore, that everybody is all made of the same backstabbin' shit as the next guy. But now… I sure as hell ain't gonna see people the same way anymore.

So I just joined the BLUs, after leavin' Ma. I didn't need her anymore. Hell, I don't need nobody anymore. I'm my own man, and I got my own job now, a job that can actually use what I'm good at. Runnin'. (I'm good at a lot of things. Pretty much everything. But out of all those things I've pretty much aced, I like to run the most.) So I've been runnin' fast, killin' everyone that stands in my way. I'm a force o' nature, kid. And even when they somehow manage to hit my tiny head, I just come back again and keep fightin'.

That's right, kid. We get brought back from death every day. It's the Respawns, some crazy-ass technology built by some crazy-ass Australian to keep the fights going. I ain't sure how it all works, but I sure as hell don't care. Few weeks o' this fighting got me lots of cash, kid. I never seen so much money. Right now I'm pretty set. But I ain't gonna stop any time soon. Ma needs the money, and so do my bros back home. Bein' the youngest don't matter squat. I'm the most important. They need me more than anybody else. Ain't no dad around ta take care of us no more, so I gotta do what I gotta do.

Anyway. I'm fightin' like this, gettin' pretty damn solid money.

But then it happened.

In the middle of a fight with RED, the power went out. There was a loud BANG! And it was gone. All the lights, all the vents, all the equipment in the base… it all just shut off. Hell, if my reflexes weren't so good I would'a been blown to pieces by that crazy Demoman and wouldn't 'a come back. The Respawns don't work when the power's out and I would'a been blown to kingdom come. Everybody realized what was goin' on and tried to stop fightin', sorta arrangin' peace treaties but not trustin' nobody. I sure as hell trusted nobody. I tried t' get out, save myself, find somewhere to hide.

And then I met him.

I met the Doc.

PART ONE

I was stuck in the middle of the RED base, hidin' in a closet. I was gonna get their intelligence when it happened, and I slipped in here before they saw me. I felt the cold wall against my back, tryin' to stay in the shadows. There was no light, and all I could hear was my own breathin'. I'm not above admittin' that I was a little concerned. (I wasn't scared- just concerned!) Thought I'd be in there for days. It was getting' cold and I was hungry, but I didn't think I should'a left. Wasn't gonna risk runnin' into the REDs.

I overheard the REDs say that the Administrator and Hale was workin' on findin' the problem with the power, and told us to have a ceasefire… but I wasn't stupid. There was no way I could trust the REDs not to shoot me. This was one of those times where you just couldn't trust anybody, not even your own shadow. I didn't want to come outta that closet until the lights came back on and I was sure I'd be okay.

So I thought I was gonna be home free, right? I mean, it couldn't take that long to get the power back on, I thought. They weren't gonna find me in here.

Then I heard footsteps comin' from nearby. I held my breath and I flattened myself against the wall. The footsteps just got closer and closer… and then they stopped.

Right outside the door.

It was like he sensed me there. He just… knew, somehow. Or maybe there was just somethin' in the closet that he needed to get, I wasn't sure. I tried not to make a sound but the door still opened and a flashlight shone right in my eyes. I couldn't see a thing, but I panicked. I tried to run past him, run out the door as he opened it and get past without him being able to catch me. I mean, there was only one way out and if I could catch him off guard and slip past, I'd be home free. I run faster than any of these old men.

As I tried to get past he barred the way and pushed me back. Then, he spoke, and I knew it was him. That German, that crazy Nazi, that heartless psychopath. That Doc. While I struggled to get past him I heard him laugh his stupid little "doo-hoo-hoo" and corned me like a caged animal. My shoulders brushed against a few storage crates. He took a few steps inside and I lifted my fists, ready to punch his face in if he got too close. "You wanna piece o' me? Come closer and I'll show ya what I'm made of!"

He lowered the flashlight from my eyes and I could finally see him. He was standin' there with his bloodstained labcoat and red gloves, his eyes shinin' behind his glasses. He was a baldin' old guy with a long, square face. He was maybe over forty or fifty somethin', but he managed to have enough o' his dark hair to style it in this annoying little curl. He had a mouth that was too big for his face, or maybe it was just his teeth: pristine white, a bit crooked, set in a smile that could go wider than you'd think possible.

"I thought ve exterminated all zee rats from zhis place!" He lowered his syringe gun toward me and I held my arms in front of my face.

"I told ya, old man, you don't wanna mess with me!"

"Oh, but I do. You're zee new Scout! I don't think ve have had a proper introduction yet, have ve?"

"I know who ya are, old man!"

He leaned in closer and I flung my fist out to punch him in the face, but he saw it comin'. He grabbed my fist and pointed his gun at me. His face was inches from mine. I could even smell his breath- minty, like he'd just brushed his teeth, maybe a hundred times.

"Oh no… you don't know who I am." His voice came with a sharp edge.

He shot me, kid. Stuck a needle in my arm, but I can handle it. I was too tough, I didn't scream. But I did yell, maybe a little bit. It hurt and I was starting to feel drowsy already. I felt him grab my arm and I struggled, but mine was goin' numb. I couldn't get a clean shot at him.

"W-wh-hey! What are you doing!? The administrator called for a ceasefire!"

"Maybe. But don't vorry. I'm not going to kill you."

"Then what are you doin'!?"

He didn't say anythin'. He dragged me out of the closet. For an old guy he had a lot of strength- an iron grip through that rubber glove. I dug my heels into the ground and pulled against him but he kept goin', his boots clomping as he pushed on with determination like a train.

On the way we passed the fat guy. The Russian guy, the Heavy. He was standin' in the hall- it was dark but I could see his bald head shine under the flashlight the Doc held. He stared at me with that clueless look of his and I fought the urge to insult him and his big, fat head. (I didn't, not because I was afraid or anythin', but I'm above insultin' people when it's not the right time.)

"Doktor, vhat are you doing with their Scout!?"

Still, the Doc didn't say anything. He bulldozed right past the Heavy, and he didn't follow. Just stood, just stared, as though nothing could get through his thick, stupid head.

As I was dragged through the dark, I wasn't scared. I mean, most people would be, but not me. I'm way too tough for that. Sure, I was bein' dragged through a pitch-black hallway by an insane Nazi doctor and I didn't know where I was gonna end up, but I knew I could take him. I knew I'd be alright.

We went through a doorway and I could see by his flashlight that we were in some sorta doctor's office. He flung me into a chair and before I could even move, somethin' latched on to my wrists and ankles. I struggled but I couldn't get out.

The Doc was watchin' me. I could hardly see him but I knew he was there, somewhere, shinin' that flashlight at me and lookin' at me, as though he was thinkin' about what sorts a horrible things he was gonna do. I thought I heard him doin' somethin' with his equipment- messin' with syringes or somethin', you know. Doin' what doctors do. He didn't say anything for a long time, but then he finally spoke.

"How old are you?"

Weird question. "What does it matter to you, chucklehead?"

"Answer zee question." He threatened.

"…I'm twenty-two."

"You're lying."

I dunno how he did it, but he saw through me. Maybe he was just good at tellin' people's age, maybe he already knew somethin' about me somehow, I dunno.

"Fine. I'm nineteen."

"You shouldn't be a mercenary. You need to be twenty-one for zhis. Vhy are you here?" I heard him step closer to the chair. The flashlight was still shinin' at me and I couldn't see him, but I could hear him breathin' closer.

"…I need money, for my ma and my brothers."

He suddenly placed his fingers to my forearm. I felt skin instead of a glove, so he must've taken it out. He was feelin' for somethin', I'm not really sure what he was doin'. Then somethin' suddenly stuck in my arm, and I bit back a yelp. He was drawin' my blood! I didn't know what he wanted with it, and I struggled a bit more, yellin',

"What're you doin'!? S-stop! Lemme go!"

He ignored me. I heard his footsteps fade and the light went somewhere else. I was left completely in the dark- there was nothin' but the sound of the doc doin' something nearby. I couldn't turn my head, the back of the chair was too big to look over. I started to shiver a bit- y'know, because it was so cold- and I just kept waiting, wondering when he'd be back, wondering what he was gonna do with me.

"So you came here by yourself to take care of your family?" He finally spoke from somewhere behind me.

"Yeah, why?!"

"Zat is brave of you."

"Of course I'm brave! I'm braver than all of you old men combined!"

I heard him chuckle and he didn't say anything for a few minutes. There was somethin' clinkin' around as he was messin' with his doctor equipment. Then, he finally said somethin'. "You might be brave… for a child. But you have not yet been shown vhat it is like to be truly afraid."

He was at my side again, with huge syringe in his hand. I could see it underneath the light of the flashlight and I knew I was trapped. My heart skipped a beat when I felt the needle sink into my arm. I admit it, I screamed. It hurt worse than anything. It hurt like hell. And then somethin' was fillin' into my veins and I knew it was gonna be bad. There was nothin' I could do about it. I'll admit it, I've never felt so trapped before.

"You von't feel anything soon. It vill go avay."

"What're you doin' to me?" I tried to yell at him, insult him, raise my voice, but I couldn't. It was like there was a frog in my throat or somethin'. It hurt just to talk.

"…I'm practicing medicine."

"What… kind of medicine?"

"A formula I'm testing. I needed someone young, with the right blood." He looks up at me and jerks the syringe out of my arm. "You've got the right blood."  
He patted me on the shoulder and I shivered.

"…What does it do…?"

"I have no idea. Ve vill see, von't ve?"

It felt like my spine froze over and all my blood went cold. Or maybe it was just my imagination. Of all the things he could'a told me about what was in that stuff, that was the worst. I wouldn't know what it'd be, not until stuff started happenin' to me.

He let me go after that. He opened up the clasps on my wrists and my feet and then he stood me up from the chair. He steered me back through the halls, and I was feelin' so sluggish I could barely think. I mean, usually I'm thinkin' as fast as I'm runnin', and never missin' a beat. But this guy, he seriously messed me up. I was so cold, so weak… couldn't fight him back as he led me out of the base.

He dumped me off outside in the snow, to find my own way back home. I remember lookin' over my shoulder, tryin' to catch sight of him as he turned around and headed back inside the base. The moonlight let me catch just a glimpse of his labcoat as he went back inside, and then he was gone.

At least he let me go.


	2. Zustimmen

_A/N: I'm glad this story has been positively received thus far. I hope I can continue to deliver interesting material. This story is planned to have roughly 10 "chapters", and will update roughly twice weekly. I may or may not write more TF2 fics with my particular headcanon which will be explained later in this story._

Please critique so I can continue to improve.

* * *

We do have off-days from time to time. We get moved around a lot, sometimes drivin', sometimes flyin', goin' from place to place. But sometimes, when we can get a breath o' fresh air, I like to go explorin' the towns nearby. The bases are usually off in the wilderness, see- since there's so much gunfire, we wouldn't want to bother the locals with our awesome.

I don't have a car, I mean- I don't need a car. I run fast enough as it is. And this time the town wasn't so far away from our current base, so I just walked. I needed some time alone anyway. It'd only been a few days since the Medic captured me and I still wasn't sure what he did. I didn't tell the others about it, either. I figured it wouldn't do much good, and besides, they didn't need to know what happened over there.

To tell ya the truth, kid, the Medic didn't do anythin' bad to me. In fact, ever since he gave me that shot I was feelin' stronger. I could move a bit faster and I had a bit more energy. Lookin' back now, I know he actually helped me, but at the time I couldn't for the life of me figure out why, or trust him. Sure, I was feelin' okay then, but I was sure it'd just get worse. It never did, but I kept expectin' it too, anyway.

So I'm on my way to this town way out in the middle of Kansas. There's just dirt far as the eye can see, and I wonder why anybody wants ta live here. I end up in some craphole of a town with not much to see. There was a pub or two and a little hole-in-the-wall diner that I could hardly call official, some general store, a shady barber shop, a bank, and a few houses I couldn't tell whether or not they belonged there.

Anyway, the place wasn't exactly where I'd wanna go to hang out, but at least I could get away for a while. It was nice to escape from the Soldier barkin' orders at me and that mumblin' freak Pyro's attempts at conversation. And don't get me started about the Spy. I hate that guy's guts- the way he gives me that conceited little smirk every time I cross his path, and then there's my Ma-… well, I don't wanna talk about this. Just tellin' you about him makes me wanna go knock some heads.

So I step into the diner, y'know, just to see what it's like in there. You'd be surprised, but some places like this actually have good food. It was a lonely place, with just a handful of people sittin' at the tables over a cup of coffee and a newspaper. The colors were kinda dreary too: faded yellow and red everywhere. The wallpaper looked like it was about to fall off in some places and some o' the furniture had obviously seen better days. But the food actually smelled good, and I got a good look at some of it on somebody's plate and it looked tasty enough. Sure, it wasn't a pretty place, but the food's where the stuff's at, right?

So I step inside and I take a seat, and then I see the waitress. Kid, lemme tell you... some day you're gonna know what I mean, but the ladies? There's some that are, ya know, alright. And some are jerks. But then there's the rare lady that just gets ya. I mean, you just know, as soon as you see her, that she's just plain freakin' hot. She was young and I gotta say, a lot prettier than I expected to come out of a town like this. Her hair was pulled into a pony-tail and she had a cute, round face… she was built like I was, too! In fact I was pretty sure she was an athlete, too. She just had that *look* to her.

I barely noticed when she handed me the menu. I took it and pretended to look at it, but my mind was still on her. I had to play it cool.

"What can I get ya to drink?" She asked me, pullin' out that memo book of hers.

"Eh, just bring me some water." I lowered the menu and gave her the biggest grin I can, so she can see my amazin', perfect smile. "And make it quick, cuz I wanna see more o' your pretty face." I waggled my eyebrows a bit. The ladies like the eyebrow-waggle.

She smiled, and I was sure it was a flirty one. I mean, the way she cocked her head and raised her eyebrows and gave me that lopsided smile with a half-nod, I knew it was 'the look', you know? Ah, what am I kiddin'. You ain't old enough to know, kid, but some day, you'll know what 'the look' is. And baby, I got the look.

She headed back off toward the back, and I looked over the menu again to figure out what I wanted. I was thinkin' I'd settle on a good ol' fashioned All-American Burger… and then I hear the door open from nearby. At first I wasn't too concerned, I mean- it was about lunch time, so people'd be coming in. But, still, curiosity told me to turn my head and look, so I did.

As I looked over the top of the booth toward the door, I saw a white labcoat, a long face, and round spectacles.

"Aw, shit, it's him," I whispered to myself as I ducked under the menu, pretending to be extremely interested in it. All the while I was prayin' he wouldn't notice. Did he follow me here? Did he somehow know I would be here? Or was this all just a coincidence? After all, it was the only restaurant in the closest town, maybe he was just tired o' eatin' the same crap at the base. Anyway, I keep expecting him to come to my table, to sit down, to talk to me, to invade my space… I mean, he's the last person I wanted to see.

I didn't look up from my menu. I kept expecting to hear him. But a minute or two passed and I didn't hear him. I put down my menu and looked around, and I saw him takin' a seat across the room behind me. His back was to me as he took his chair. So he really didn't seem to notice me. Maybe he didn't follow me, after all. I sighed in relief.

The pretty waitress came back with my water. I wanted to flirt with her a bit more, but seeing the Medic really threw me off. I ordered my burger and fries and waited it out as quietly as I could, trying not to make a scene, trying not to stand out. When my food finally got here, I ate without a sound. And then the bill came.

"Aww, shit again," I thought. It was a little more expensive than I was expecting… after seeing the Medic I realized I didn't pay much attention to the price… I only had a few dollars left in my wallet and I wasn't able to cover it all.

"Ahh, heh… just a second," I told the waitress as I dug around in my pockets. "Uh, I'm sure I got… somethin'… somewhere…"

She gave me this huge frown and began tapping her foot. Oooh, man. I couldn't believe I didn't check how much money I had, and how much the bill was… I was really in for it!

As I was searchin' around my pockets, comin' up with just a bunch of lint, I heard a chair scoot from nearby, footsteps, and then a German voice spoke right over me.

"I'll cover it."

He handed her the money, right then and there. Was he eavesdropping? Did he know I was here the whole time?

After the waitress left, he sat down across from me. I felt my entire body tense up, I really expected to be stuck with another needle as I sat across from him. I found myself staring at him, fidgeting in my chair, fighting the urge to get up and leave, yet the fact that he just paid my tab for me… well, what was I gonna do? I wasn't gonna just leave after he practically gave me money. I mean, I could'a handled it myself, but, well, he did help a little bit.

"…Why'd you do that?" I asked.

"Vhy not?" He answered. Man, I hate that answer.

"That doesn't tell me anythin'." I fidgeted some more. "…But, thanks. I guess." I start to stand up, tryin' not to look at him, but he says something as soon as I start to get up.

"How are you feeling?" He was just starin' at me from behind those glasses, his face was completely blank. I couldn't read the guy at all.

It took me a while to reply. I didn't really wanna stay long, but I felt like I owed him somehow. "I'm feelin' fine, actually…"

"Any stronger?"

"…Stronger? Yeah, I suppose so, actually… why?"

"…Zhe medicine I gave you. I vanted to make sure it vorks."

"…So it was medicine, then. It's supposed to make me stronger? You give me steroids or somethin'?"

"Yes, it is medicine. No, it is not steroids. It is vorking, so I am doing it right." I noticed he was kinda quiet when he talked, like there's a lot on his mind, but I wasn't sure I even wanted to know what was goin' on in his psycho head. I didn't really press him.

Still… it was hard for me not to wonder why in the hell he'd pick me, from the BLU team, to test it on, if it was supposed to make me stronger. There was a lot that didn't quite add up for me, and I needed to know why. Sure, he was probably crazy or stupid, or both… but I had to ask.

"So why test it on me, then? Why not your team, if you're makin' somethin' to make them stronger? Why me?"

The doc paused for a moment, and I could an see his eyes trail a bit. "It's not for zhe team."

Well, that was certainly strange. I raised my eyebrows. "Not for the team? So you're makin' something that makes people stronger and you're not even gonna use it on your own team?"

He didn't say anythin' else right then. I said somethin' before he had much of a chance to.

"But you're helpin' me, and not givin' your team the same shot! So you're makin' me stronger, and it's gonna be harder for your entire team! Why'd ya do it, Doc? You're practically betrayin' them by doin' it! Not that I'm complainin', I mean, I like bein' stronger. But still! I don't get ya! Is there a catch? Is this thing gonna kill me or somethin'?!"

"…No, it is not going to hurt you." The Doc replied, adjusting his glasses. "Trust me. If zhe medicine vas supposed to hurt, you'd know it by now." He gave me a long, hard look. "You should have a boost of immunity now, as vell as the ability to retain your energy longer. Let me know if there is ever any changes… I need to know about the compound's longevity."

"Why me?"

"You are zhe only one out of all of us who zhis vould work on. I need you to help me test it."

"Yeah, but… why!? I mean, if you needed help testin' your funky meds, you could'a just asked me or somethin' instead of kidnappin' me!"

"Vould you really help me if I asked? You vouldn't have believed me if I didn't force you into it to prove zhat it is harmless."

I opened my mouth to say somethin', but I shut it again. He kinda got me there. But I still had no idea why he was doin' this to begin with, and he was bein' so difficult. I couldn't get any answers from him.

He removed another syringe from his coat pocket. "Vill you help me test something else?"

I stiffened in my chair. "Not until you tell me why you're doin' this."

"For zee science, of course. Vhy else? I am making breakzhroughs, and I need someone vith the right age and body chemistry. You haff it."

I suppose it made sense. I mean, if I thought about it. He was a crazy doctor, but he still was a genius. I mean, he invented that Medigun himself- at least, that's what the Spy told me one day. I haven't been workin' here long but I've heard a few stories about the Doc. Not much, but enough to hear some speculation goin' around that he was workin' here as a foolproof way to work with medicine. Once he got his prototypes perfected, it could do some serious help for hospitals all around the country.

At least, that was what I thought he was here for. What I hoped he was here for.

"…Fine, I'll help ya again, doc. But only if it's stuff that'll make me stronger."

"Good. And you vill tell me zhe results?"

"Yeah."

"Zhen let me give zhis to you now. As you vill have noticed, the effects last even beyond the Respawn. Zhis next compound is designed to improve bone density so you vill be able to vithstand greater falls. Additionally, it should improve your heart's ability to pump and increase your lung capacity so you can breathe easier."

"How does it last beyond the Respawns? I… don't know much about that stuff, Doc."

"Zhe Respawns only bring us back to our last survivable state of being, like a step back in time. Anyzhing that has been happening in our bodies vill stay. Like disease, or in this case, zhe medicine I gave you." He explained, leanin' his elbows on the table. "Plus, zhere are other effects to the Respawn that I have yet to fully understand. But, it's methods of returning us to life are not exceptionally perfect. There is… always residual effects of going zhrough such zhings."

"…Residual effects? Like what?"

"I'm… not sure how best to explain it now." The Doc admitted. "But zhis is besides the point. Vill you help me test this now?" He showed me the syringe.

I hesitated a bit. I mean, I was about to agree to bein' the Doc's guinea pig. It could even hurt me, and the Respawn wouldn't be able to change it back. The more reasonable side of me said "no", to ignore the Doc, to get up and leave right then and there.

But the adventurous side of me wanted to give it a shot, no pun intended. After all, he already proved that it was helpin' me. And that he was testin' this for the greater good- whatever that was. Plus, if he was lyin', well, I could just get him back later. I had plenty of tricks up my sleeve for that sort of thing.

I held out my arm so he could give me the shot. "Fine, do it."

It felt a little weird getting' a shot in the middle of a restaurant, but nobody was watchin' us. Plus, the Doc was damn quick about it. He knew where my veins were and he knew how to get it in there and out in a few seconds. He even gave me a band-aid. After that, he stood up pretty quick and looked to the door.

"…I haff to go. I vill see you on zee battlefield, ja?"

I frowned. "…Yeah, sure, whatever, Doc."

He dipped his head a bit in this sorta makeshift bow, then he headed outside. "Zhank you, Scout."

When he left me alone, I was given a bit more time to think about everythin' that happened. Sure, I could understand his motives if he needed the right person to help test his crazy drugs, but it just didn't add up to me, not at all. He paid for my meal and gave me some sorta weird boost that he apparently wasn't gonna give to anyone else, that apparently wouldn't work for anyone else. There had to be some kinda catch in here somewhere. Why was he treating me like this?

Maybe there wasn't a catch. Maybe there wasn't anythin' else that I needed to learn from things, but still… if there was a catch… if there was some sorta missin' piece to all this, I had to get to the bottom of it.


	3. Unterwandern

_A/N: _  
_Wepul, I'm glad you're enjoying it. As for the team balancing, yes- it's always 5 against 4, but it's not too hard on BLU because Soldier has a lot of experience and passion in combat, and the Engineer is actually somewhat inexperienced. Plus, Demoman is usually drunk, making his efforts either extremely effective or not effective at all, and seldom anything in-between. This sort of handicap makes it possible for RED and BLU to have balanced fights.  
Thank you everyone for reading, and here's to another chapter of slash-free TF2. :P I'll have yet another chapter up later this week- I'm writing a bit more than I thought I would this week._

* * *

A few days passed since the incident in the restaurant, and I never stopped thinkin' about what he did. I saw him a few more times. In fact, he sought me out himself and asked me about the medicine. We didn't talk long. I'd just update him on how I felt, and he'd nod and thank me for my time before headin' off. Though he didn't seem up for talkin' to me for very long, he was obviously pretty hellbent on perfecting this weird medicine. Worst part of it was, I still wasn't completely sure what he was doin' or why he needed me for it. I mean, I'd understand if it was just for the greater good, but part of me felt that his motivation was a bit too... personal, somehow. Like he had more at stake with it than he was lettin' on.

I really did feel stronger- a lot stronger. I was faster, and I could run longer. I felt a little more alive, somehow. He was right about what he gave me- I could take longer falls, I could last longer in battle. I fought the Doc a few times in combat, but it wasn't personal or nothin'. In fact, I almost felt a bit bad when I killed him a few times.

Almost.

I shook my head when the thought crossed my mind that I felt sorry for him. I mean, he was a crazy, and he was RED. He captured me and that shot he gave me did hurt, even though it helped me somehow. He still could'a had some other motive for doin' it. And maybe, in the end, it'd hurt me. Maybe he was just tryin' to get me to believe he was helpin' me.

I couldn't stand not knowin' exactly what he was up to with it. A few days of constantly wonderin', constantly thinkin', constantly wishin' I could figure him out drove me freakin' crazy.

So I decided to do somethin' crazy.

I figured if there was any chance o' gettin' answers, I had ta find 'em myself. There was no way the Doc was gonna tell me. And that's just how life is, kid. If you want somethin' done right you gotta do it yourself. Ya gotta take life into your own hands and make things happen yourself or they ain't never gonna happen.

I waited well after midnight, drinkin' my Bonk to keep myself awake. Then I picked the lock on the door to Spy's quarters. He always keeps his room nice and locked tight, but I got ways of gettin' around locks and shit. If you got the right tools- a credit card and a hair pin- you can go a pretty long way. Gotta say, it was easier to get into his room than I thought it'd be. Guess it must be the old doors in this base or somethin', I dunno. Either way, I got in pretty quick.

Spy was stone-cold asleep. I saw 'im in the moonlight that shone through his window. He was all tangled up in his sheets, wearin' nothin' but boxers. He was snorin' pretty loud and drooling and there was a cigarette stuck to his pillow. On top of it all, he wasn't wearin' his mask. He had short, brown hair and a five o'clock shadow. The funniest part was that the skin where his mask used ta be was lighter than the rest, givin' him a weird, funky tan. I would'a laughed if I wasn't tryin' ta be quiet. I knew what I was after, and even if I've never used it before, I knew I could figure it out. I got a lotta intuition, kid. I'm pretty fantastic at learnin' new things.

I just needed ta find it first.

His cloakin' watch.

I looked everywhere. I searched his desk first, siftin' through the drawers as quietly as I could. Part of me wished I didn't look. I found some photos and- well… y'know, you don't need to know about the photos. Just know they made me really mad, kid. But I couldn't dwell on it- I had to keep lookin'. I wasn't gonna let anythin' stop me from findin' that watch.

I kept searchin' the drawers, then I looked under the desk, in every closet I could find, under the bed, even tried ta get past a locked safe he had in there, but I couldn't bust in. I was about to give up, but then I had an idea. When I'm pretty dead tired I always forget ta empty my pockets after a long day, so I went through his laundry. Found all his fancy suits and started goin' through the pockets, and I finally found it.

I slipped it into my pocket and headed out. I left his door unlocked so I could come right back and put the watch back where I found it. I was gonna make this quick.  
I headed outside again, careful not to be spotted. I stuck to the shadows, sneakin' across the dusty ground and slippin' my way towards the RED base. Of course, everythin' was locked, but I knew of a weak spot- a door with a lock I could easily pick, just like I did ta Spy. I just slipped my credit card in there and I was home free.

That was when I used the watch. I knew it had a limit to how long it could work so I had to make it fast and quiet. I opened it up and mashed a few buttons and it seemed ta work- I felt myself go transparent. Gotta say, it was pretty cool. I mean, as much as I hate the Spy, I could see why he liked his job. I could get through the RED base without worryin' about anyone seein' me.

I didn't remember exactly where the Doc's office was, but I traced my steps the best I could from the closet I stayed in and down the hall where I remembered the Doc takin' me. It wasn't long before I found it. Luckily, his door wasn't locked. Slowly, I started ta open it. It was dark inside and I couldn't see or hear anyone. There was just enough light from a few windows where I could see the office, much clearer than the first time I went in. I saw the chair I was strapped to, and a lot more. There was a surgical table, some crazy-ass medical technology, a table littered with equipment, a desk and a chair, a few bookshelves crammed with stuff that wasn't just books, and a few display cases. I also saw a birdcage filled with doves further in the back. There was also a few closets- at least, I hoped they were closets.

There was no sign of the Doc.

I headed to the desk first, but there was so much stuff on it I wasn't sure where to start. There was a lotta books, loose papers, some bottles of pills that were spillin' over the desk, writin' utensils, a few suspicious jars… Glancin' over the papers on his desk, I noticed most of it was in German. But there had to be somethin' here I could read...

I heard footsteps from outside and I froze. I realized I was runnin' out of time on the cloak! Before I even had a chance to check his desk papers, I had to find a place to hide fast before he found me. I did the only thing I knew ta do: jumped in the nearest closet and shut the door.

My back made contact with somethin' jadgged, bumpy, and hard. There was a crack on the bottom of the door wide enough to let in enough light for me ta see what was behind me. I bumped into a skeleton hangin' on a rack.

I wasn't afraid. I mean, doctors have these things all the time. It couldn'ta been a real skeleton. Maybe.

I listened for a little while, then I realized that there were two sets of footsteps out there. The first pair was heavier, more weighted, slower… the second pair seemed brisk, ligther, somehow. Then they started talkin'. I could hardly understand what was goin' on, but I knew it was the Doc and that fat Russian. I listened as quietly as I could, tryin' not to breathe too loud, tryin' not to move an inch.

"Vat do you vant, Aleksandr?" Said the Doc.

"I just vant to talk. This okay? Vill not be long." Heavy responded in broken English.

"Fine, talk."

There was a pause, an uncomfortable silence. The Heavy finally responded. "…The Sniper mention something. It make me concerned."

"Vat did he tell you?"

"He say you look wrong. Like something bothers you. I know how he watches close. He knows things others do not."

"Vhat does it matter?"

"You are… depressed, da?"

"I don't vant to talk, Aleksandr."

"It has been long time since ve talked… maybe it is good thing to talk now. Is about your son?"

"I don't vant to talk about Klaus right now." The Doc snapped.

"Maybe ve should, though. It's been long time since ve talked about it."

"And it should shtay zhat vay. I don't vant to talk about it." The Doc repeated.

"Fine. Ve don't have to talk about that. But I do vant to ask you something else."

"Vat?" The Doc sounded like he was about ready to throw the Heavy out, in just that one word. There was another long silence.

"I came vith you, Friedrich. Because I vanted to help you earn money for family. I vanted to help you vith Klaus. But you von't talk about things anymore. You won't talk about Sveden, or Naomi… and you are hurting inside-"

"Get out." The Doc spoke through grit teeth.

"I'm trying to help you."

"I don't _vant_ help, I _vant_ to be left _alone_!"

It sounded like the Doc slammed his fist on somethin' hard. Then I didn't hear anythin' for a while longer.

"I'm sorry, Doktor."

"Just go." He whispered.

I heard Heavy's footsteps fade and the door shut. Then I heard Medic say a few things in German, his voice hoarse and hardly above a whisper. There were more footsteps and something creaked, like rusted hinges. Then there was a chirping, and a fluttering, and I knew that he had let the doves out of the cage.

Then there was a very long silence. I couldn't tell what was goin' on or what he was doin', only that the lights were still on in his room and I could hear him occasionally comment to himself in German. I was getting' tired of stayin' in the closet and my back was hurting from where that skeleton's ribcage was stickin' into my skin. I took a big risk- I turned on the cloak again and slowly, carefully, cracked the closet door open just a hair. Just to look outside.

Luckily the Doc's back was to me. He was sittin' at his desk and he was writin' somethin'. A few doves sat on his shoulders. His back was hunched over and he was restin' his head in one of his hands while he scribbled furiously on a piece of paper.

I was afraid to open the closet the rest of the way. Even if I was cloaked he would be able to see it out of the corner of his eye. He'd know someone was in here and he'd get me. I couldn't get out.

It was so late I knew the guy had to sleep eventually. I had to wait it out. I was getting' nervous, though- Spy was an early riser and it wasn't gonna be long before dawn. I waited and I watched the Doc for what seemed like hours. He never moved from that desk. My own eyes were startin' to close and I was feelin' plain exhausted. That soda could only keep me goin' for so long, and I was tired as hell. It sorta turned into a strange waiting game with the Doc: whoever stayed awake the longest, wins.

And kid, I'm damn competitive.

When I made a game out of it, it was easier for me. No way was I gonna lose to the Doc. Even if he didn't know we were playin' a game, he sure kept it up. For an old guy, he had a lot of stamina. He kept writin', kept readin', stayed hunched over his desk for hours. His pen made a lulling scratching sound on his paper when he wrote. He also had a complete lack of nervous habits: not once did I hear him tap his foot, click his pen, or drum his fingers. It woulda made things a bit more interesting, but he never did any of those things.

But I stayed awake. I stared at him the whole freakin' time. Felt like I was tryin' to force him to fall asleep with my stare.

And hey, depending on how you look at it… it kinda worked.

Finally I saw him begin to droop. His head started to slide from his palm and he had ta correct himself, re-positioning himself in his chair and tryin' desperately to stay upright. Eventually, though, he seemed unable to hold on anymore.

I saw him open a bottle of pills and pop one in his mouth. He swallowed it dry. He took his glasses off, then he laid his head across his desk, on top of an open book, and he was out cold. I could tell he was asleep because his breathin' was slower. He forgot to turn off his desk lamp, but it didn't matter. I cloaked myself again, then I slowly opened the closet door and went outside again.

It was sweet, fresh freedom. I was finally out.

Unfortunately, by that time the sun was already risin'. I'd have to be pretty damn lucky for Spy not to be awake by now. And this time, fate wasn't exactly on my side. As soon as I got back and headed to Spy's room, I saw him furiously flingin' his clothes everywhere, tryin' to find his watch.

Yeah, I gave it back to him. I walked right in there and faced him front-on and held it out to him. He was furious. He snatched it up from me, gave me a silent, angry stare and demanded to know what I was doin' with it.

"None of your business, asshole." I told 'im. "I didn't hurt your stupid watch. I just borrowed it."

He wasn't okay with the answer, but he didn't ask me anything else. He told me to get out, and I left happily.

I didn't get any answers that night, it all felt like such a waste. It seemed at this point, the only way I was gonna learn anythin' was a direct confrontation. I just wasn't sure if the Medic was gonna humor me if I tried.


	4. Verschlossen

_A/N: Here's the next chapter, though it's shorter than most of them. The next chapter will compensate for that, though. It's already written, I just need to edit it. Also, I'm sorry if my tenses keep changing. I'm going through these and trying to fix ever present-tense to past-tense, but I'm still inevitably going to miss some._

* * *

Kid, the RED team was getting' hammered. Absolutely. Hammered.

I mean, of course they would be- not only was I fast, but I'm even stronger now, thanks to the Medic. Kid, I was takin' hits left and right and nothin' could slow me down. The REDs were droppin' like flies, and they couldn't for the life of 'em get on the Control Point. Each time they tried to get up they were just blasted back down again.

The Engineer was tryin' to get his sentry up near the point, but every time I saw him settle his toolbox down and try to throw somethin' together, I ran up with my scattergun and tore his precious gun to pieces. Then the Demoman and the Heavy kept tryin' to shoot us down from the point- that was when Spy went in there and stabbed 'im down. The Pyro hardly had ta do anythin' at all, he just stood on the point and kept people from getting' too close. The Soldier picked 'em off from a distance when he saw 'em comin'. In the end it was all a huge cakewalk.

I was havin' so much fun I didn't realize they were a man down until ten minutes in to the match. Usually the Medic stuck to Heavy or Demoman like glue, keepin' them on their feet while they charged into the fight. But this time, I didn't see 'im anywhere, not once. It was weird- he was usually ready for stuff like this, why wasn't he around this time?

The match was over pretty damn quick, but after realizin' the Medic was missin', I wasn't actually all that satisfied. I like to earn my victories, kid. When the Administrator announced the BLU team's victory, I walked right past the Pyro's firey victory-dance, headed past the Spy as he casually pulled a smoke out of his pocket, and ignored the Soldier as he rocket-jumped onto a rooftop to show off his superiority.

I headed right towards the RED base.

If they wanted to kill me post-match, it wouldn't bother me much- I'd just respawn back at BLU and try again later. But I was pretty confident I could take 'em if they tried to kill me. I was feelin' faster and stronger than I ever did before.

I didn't see many of their other members, but I did see their Engineer. He was packin' up somewhere outside the base, and his helmet was off, showin' his bald head. He flung a wrench and his gloves into his toolbox and slammed it closed. His goggles covered his eyes, as usual, so it was hard for me to read him, but he didn't seem as much annoyed as he did… upset. I stood over him, restin' my hands on my hips. I cleared my throat, and he looked up at me with a grimace.

"Sup?" I said.

"Whadda you want, boy?" Engineer asked. His voice lacked the usual edge it had- in fact I couldn't really pick up any emotion at all.

"Where was the Medic that round? You guys lost pretty bad."

"You don't have to rub it in." He rubbed his forehead, pressin' against his skin with his thumb and index finger. "And why do you wanna know about the Doc?"

"I'm just curious. Where was he?"

"…The Doc's in bad shape, boy." The Engineer adjusted his goggles and looked over his shoulder toward the door to the RED base. "We tried ta ask the Administrator to postpone the fight… but she wouldn't have any of it. Said it was the Doc's own fault he was like that, anyway…"

"What did he do?" I don't really know why, but for some reason I was a little concerned. Just a little.

"He got himself pretty smashed… maybe he smoked something too long, maybe he just got drunk, maybe it was some of his drugs… I don't know. Heavy and I tried to talk to him, but…" He suddenly shook his head and looked up at me, "Why'm I tellin' you this?" He muttered, lettin' his hand drop to his side. "The Doc's bein' a mighty pathetic doc right now. Docs are supposed to be the healthy ones. I don't want to deal with 'im right now."

"Well, maybe I can talk to him." I straightened my spine and stuck my chest out a bit.

The Engineer gave me a dry chuckle. "Listen to you, boy? He wouldn't even listen to his own team, he won't give a darn about you."

"Maybe not, but I'm gonna try anyway."

"Well, good luck, boy. But I wouldn't let any of the others see you. They might not take kindly to seein' BLU in our territory, 'specially the Sniper. He's in a mighty foul mood."

"I'll be quick."

"Sure you will."

"Where's the Doc?"

"In his infirmary."

I wasn't concerned with bein' sneaky about it this time. This time, I was gonna go right up to him and figure out what was goin' on, by force if I had to. First givin' me the medicine, then payin' for my bill… then there was that conversation I overheard with the Heavy… and now he was gettin' himself smashed. What was goin' through his head? I needed ta know. If he was really as smashed as the Engineer said he was, he shouldn't be too hard to mess with this time.

This time, I had the upper hand.

Luckily, I managed to get through the halls without anybody seein' me. Well, almost. The Demoman saw me, but he was crumbled in the hall with his scrumpy, so drunk he thought I was the Sniper. I just gave him the best "g'day" I could and walked right past him, and through all his drunkin' slurs I heard him say "bye Sniper!" He was so pathetic, I tried not to laugh at him as I walked past.

This is why I don't drink. I hate alcohol. It ruins everybody. Ruins lives, ruins families.

I shook my head and kept goin' until I found the infirmary. The door was shut and locked this time, but I always had a credit card handy.

I tried ta get it in the lock, but it wouldn't budge. It was then when I realized it was an electric lock- there was no way I could get the credit card or any sort o' lockpick in there to force it open. Unfortunately, I realized this a bit too late. As I was messin' with it, I didn't know that somebody had come up behind me, his footsteps were kept so quiet I hardly noticed until it was too late.

"G'day. Wot are you doing, trying to get to the Doc?"

I whirled around, and I saw the Sniper standin' over me with his kukri. His face was the picture of subdued fury. I could see a fire burnin' behind his eyes.

"I just wanted to talk to him."

"Well, the doc's not in the office right now." The Sniper took a step forward. "Now you're gonna leave him alone, turn around, and wolk back to your base before I send you back moiself." His hand fell to the hilt of his kukri.

"What's up with him, anyway? I just wanted to talk to him." I say, feelin' my body tense up.

"On the count of three, I want you gone, wanker."

Oh, he's done it with that one. He's pickin' fights. I was ready for this- I'd fight 'im and then I'd get inside the infirmary myself. I'd find a way to get it open and I'd talk to the Doc myself.

"One."

I raised my fists.

"Two."

I took a step forward.

"Three."

His kukri flashed under the fluorescent light. I leapt to the side. He whirled his lanky body around, flingin' his kukri towards my side, but I jumped backwards, and it narrowly missed. I dug my feet into the ground and lurched forward as his blade went past, leavin' his side unguarded.

My fist connected with his chest. I felt my knuckles against bone. The Sniper grunted.

Then he turned, and I turned with him. I ducked under the blade and then tried ta tackle him to the ground. I felt my arms envelop the Sniper- I had him!

But suddenly, everythin' was upside down. I couldn't see. I was spinnin'. Somethin' snatched me up from behind, holdin' me by my ankles- then I heard the Heavy's voice shoutin' somethin' in Russian.

Upside-down Sniper jabbed his kukri into my chest and dragged it down. Pain exploded through my body- everythin' went red.

Then everythin' went black.

I woke up on the floor of the BLU base. My chest heaved and I coughed. I thought I could still taste blood, even though there wasn't any. The memory stayed. I hadn't been Respawned in a long time- I didn't die once in the fight earlier and I had forgotten what it felt like to be dragged back from death like that.

On normal days I would be brought back and not think much of it- there wasn't enough time ta think. As soon as we were on our feet we had to be out again, joinin' the fight before the tides were turned.

But now, there was no fight, there was no clock tickin' over our heads. It was just me and the hummin' Respawn in the corner.

We get brought back from death all the time- but how far dead, exactly? Was there somethin' else out there that the Respawns were preventin' us from seein'? Was it draggin' us away from the inevitable life beyond, only to force us to live one more day? And what sorts o' things was it doin' to our bodies when we came back? Just how much of me was still… me? And how much of me had changed each time I went through that thing?

I stood up and turned around, starin' at the Respawn behind me. It was a huge machine, shaped liken empty cylinder and purrin' like a kitten. Underneath all the nuts and bolts and wires that held it together, there was somethin' I didn't understand- something that was completely beyond me. Did the Doc know how it worked? Did the Engineer know how it worked? There was just so much about it I didn't understand- didn't WANT to understand…

Before I could think about it much more, somebody tore me from my thoughts.

"What happened to you?" A French voice spoke behind me. I could smell cigarette smoke.

"None of your business, a-" I cut myself off mid-insult. I turned around to face the Spy. Instantly, an idea struck me. "…Actually, it could be your business. Can I borrow your sapper?"

"_Hon hon hon._ You're going to actually _ask_ me this time, boy? _Merde_."

"I'm sorry about that last time, Spy, but it was alright, wasn't it? I really need your sapper!"

"What for?"

"It's a long story."

"Why would I let you borrow my sapper? It is no mystery to me that you hate me so."

My back stiffened and I frowned. "Course I hate you. You're messin' with my ma."

The Spy chuckled. "Sad, isn't it? I have nothing against you, Punkin, and yet you hate me to death."

Ooooh man. NOBODY calls me Punkin- NOBODY but my ma! My face turned beet-red and I ball up my fists. "Ok, that does it, Frenchie." Just as I was startin' to run towards him, to punch his face in, he pulled somethin' out of his pocket- his sapper. All the while he was laughin' so hard he snorted.

I stopped, starin' at the sapper.

"Your mother would rather us get along, no?"

I swallowed hard. "…yeah, maybe."

"Don't you want to make your mother happy?"

"I do. That's why I'm out here, Spy. That's why I'm workin' so hard, I'm tryin' to be the man nobody else will be for her. Not even you actually help her, do you?"

The Spy smiled, but he didn't say anythin' else for a while. Then he finally spoke, "Your mother is very proud of you. You help her and your brothers more than you know. But don't get your head in the clouds, boy- there is still a lot about people you need to learn."

He handed me the sapper, and he was gone. He turned, headin' down the hallway and disappearin' through the corridors, his arms folded behind his back. I watched him for a while, not understandin' what was goin' on in his head. Either way, he gave me the sapper- so I was gonna make it count.


	5. Enthüllen

_Well, here's the next chapter. The next one won't come as quickly because I have absolutely nothing written, but here's something. This is a big chapter and I'm a bit unsure about it, I've edited it a few times but I still don't know if it's believable or not. Let me know what you think._

* * *

I took the sapper back to the RED base. This time I was a bit more careful to avoid them- they obviously didn't want BLU company, but I wasn't gonna let that hold me back. The Sniper wasn't around this time to stop me- I don't know where he went, but I sure didn't care to know. I retraced my steps right back to the door- I'm guessing they didn't expect me to try again so quick. Heh. Guess they don't know the Scout.

I put Spy's sapper on the electric lock of the Medic's door. I wasn't exactly sure how it worked, but it seemed I didn't need ta do much to it. It seemed to work by itself after I attached it to the lock. After a buzz of electricity, in a few moments, the lock was busted. I looked over my shoulder, just ta be sure nobody was watchin' me, then I opened the door and closed it behind me.

Everythin' inside was even messier than before. Papers were strewn across the floor- one of his Mediguns was unceremoniously flung in a corner, still activated, still whirring, a red mist flowing from the barrel. One of his chairs was overturned, a lot of his books were missin' from the shelves, and his doves were all over the room- he didn't bother to put them in his cage. The place even smelled different than it did earlier- wasn't sure how to put my finger on it, but it wasn't right.

And there was no sign of him- at least, not immediately.

Slowly, quietly, I stepped further into the infirmary. After lookin' around for a while, I still didn't see the Doc anywhere…

But I saw that one of the doors nearby was left mostly open. Light was streamin' out. Carefully, I headed towards the door and peeked inside.

Even though I wasn't quite standin' in the doorway, from the angle I was at, I could tell it was a bathroom with silver tiled floors and walls. I saw a sink and the edge of a shower curtain. At first I wasn't sure if he was in there or not- and even if he was, I wasn't sure if I was just gonna walk into the bathroom and bombard him while he could likely on the toilet. But, after a few moments, I heard him breathin'. So I knew he was in there- the question was, would I wait for him to come out, or talk to him now?

Well, if I talked to him while he was on the toilet, he might feel a bit more stuck and he'd have ta listen to me.

Ok, I admit it, in retrospect… it was a really stupid idea. I don't really know what possessed me ta do it, but maybe I was just sick of _waitin'_. Everythin' was a waitin' game with the Doc and I wasn't gonna do it anymore. I walked in front of the bathroom and I was about ready to say somethin'. I opened my mouth, words on the tip of my tongue.

But what I saw… it made me stop. My jaw snapped shut.

I didn't make a sound. Suddenly I felt like I'd rather wait- whatever words that I had ready for the Doc were swallowed back down again.

He was sitting on his knees, hoverin' over the toilet. He wasn't wearin' his labcoat- instead he was wearin' a dumpy short-sleeved shirt and sweat pants. His back was to me, so I wasn't sure if he saw me or not. In fact, I was pretty sure he had no idea I was there. His door was locked tight- he was probably thinkin' there was no way anyone could get in. He was breathin' hard and shaky, and I could see his arm tremblin' as he gripped the toilet seat with one of his hands. His other arm was wrapped tight around his stomach. His glasses were set aside next to him. Strangest of all, there was a single dove on his shoulder.

I was feelin' sick just watchin' him. He hadn't puked yet, but it was just the anticipation- knowin' he was gonna heave but not really knowin' when- that got me. It was the worst kind of suspense, the kind that you felt in the pit of your stomach. And for some reason, I felt rooted there- like I couldn't move, couldn't look away. I didn't want him to know I was watchin', but I couldn't bring myself to leave.

He sat like that for ten minutes. Maybe even twenty- I lost count. Once again, the Doc started a waiting game- and it was an agonizing wait.

I knew he was about to puke when his breathing started getting' faster and heavier, and I saw him tense up, his spine stiffening and his body leanin' forward a bit more. The dove fluttered off of his shoulder, only to sit on the shower curtain rail nearby. I grimaced as I watched him. I couldn't see much, but I heard everythin': the gut-wrenchin' gags and coughs, the splattering of liquid in the toilet bowl. I really wish I left sooner. It was awful, and there wasn't anythin' I could do about it.

He sat there for a few more minutes, catchin' his breath. He took some toilet paper from nearby and wiped off his mouth, then flushed the thing down. I still didn't budge from watchin' him, but when I saw him start to stand up, I got a crazy idea.

I snatched up a paper cup that was conveniently within my reach, sittin' on the edge of the sink counter. Then I walked into the bathroom as confidently as I could.

I cleared my throat. "Hey Doc."

I startled him pretty bad. He jumped and cursed, turnin' around and fully facin' me. "Verdammt!" He kept cursin' in German, his voice cracking. "Vhat are you- VERDAMMT! How long have you-?"

I gave him a quick look as I filled up the cup with water from the tap. His shirt was suspiciously stained down the front and his hair was a mess. He stood at an angle, grippin' the other edge of the sink as though he was tryin' to keep from topplin' over. I held the paper cup out to him.

He took it, but he just stare at me angrily for a few more minutes, not drinkin' it. I swear, the guy's eyebrows couldn'ta been more scrunched. "Vhat are you doing…?" He asked hoarsely. He was obviously too weak to raise his voice or kick me out, otherwise he probably would've done it by now. I could tell he was pretty freakin' mad, but way too sick to do anything about it.

"Don't worry about that right now. Just drink that stuff first. Where d' you keep your clothes?"

The Doc just stood there, starin' at me for a few minutes. Then he sighed, shoulders droopin'. He then put the cup to his lips, tilted it back, and swallowed every drop in a few gulps. Somethin' about the motion struck me as defiant. "Zhere is a clothing drawer outside near zhe surgery table…" He spoke with more air than voice. I turned and left, lookin' for the drawers, and the Doc followed me out, his steps sluggish. He made his way over to his toppled desk chair and lifted it up before sinkin' down into it.

I took out a fresh shirt from his drawer and tossed it to him. I looked away while he changed, foldin' my arms across my chest and tappin' my foot.

"You're a pathetic doctor. What happened to you?"

"Not your business."

"You're lettin' down your team. They lost because of you."

"I don't care."

When he was done changin', I faced him again.

He was leanin' his arm on the armrest of the chair, his palm cradlin' his forehead. The dove flew out of the bathroom to return to his shoulder again, and he reached up his finger to rub it underneath its chin with his index finger, whisperin' somethin' that sounded like "Danke, Archimedes."

As I watched him, that's when I noticed that his gloves were off… and my gaze fell on the hand that was raised to pet the dove. His wrist was turned out to face me.

Some day, kid, there will be a time in your life when the universe just… stands still. It's like you can't even move, can't think. It's a feelin' like bein' held in midair. Like you were catapulted, and then you just freeze there, lookin' down at the world, feelin' like the planets have aligned and everyin' just comes together.

Okay, maybe that didn't make any sense. Maybe I'm just tryin' too hard to be poetic, but the point is, this was one of those moments.

It was the moment when I saw the Doc for who he really was.

There was a tattoo on his arm near his wrist. A combination of letters and numbers. I knew exactly what it meant. The war's been over for a long time, and yeah, I'm a high school drop-out, but I've heard enough about the war from my Ma to know what it meant. She was always on top of current events, listenin' to the radio, tellin' me stories.

Now sometimes, I know when I'm not supposed to say anythin'- when silence is better than words. And I think I did the right thing here. I mean, I hope I did. I'm pretty sure I did.

"…You've been to a death camp…!"

The Doc wasn't a Nazi. There's no way he could'a been a Nazi. There was no way that tattoo could'a meant anything else.

He jerked his arm down immediately, shooting me this look that really could'a killed me if his eyes were loaded guns.

"Get out." He spat.

I held my ground. I wasn't gonna leave, not now. I wasn't as concerned about figurin' things out, not now. I never seen the Doc look so vulnerable before, so human. I've seen him on the battlefield- I knew what he could be like. He could be plain crazy; bloodthirsty and insane. Sometimes, plain terrifying. But now… now, he just looked pathetic.

I took a few steps closer to him, not backin' down. "No, I ain't gonna leave. Now I know a bit more, so you're startin' to make sense to me. Plus, I think you owe me a talk…" I let my voice trail for a moment, and I give him a big smile. "Friedrich."

His expression shifted, from angry, to shocked. No, horrified. "How do you know my name…?!"

"I'll tell you how I know that if you answer some questions."

He stared at me for a few moments, his eyebrows knitted together and his lips pressed into a thin line. He probably would'a stood up and threw me out of his office himself if he had the energy to, but now I had him just where I needed him. He was too weak to do anythin', and I wasn't gonna leave until he started talkin'.

"So… who's Klaus?" I crossed my arms against my chest and faced him, not budgin'.

"Verdammt… you know about Klaus, too?" He breathed, once more droppin' his forehead head into his palm and rubbin' at his skin.

"So who is he?" Course, I already sorta knew who Klaus was, but I wanted to hear it from him.

He sighed, drumming his fingers on the armrest of his chair. "He is my son."

I pretended I didn't already know that, so I tried to look surprised. "…Go on."

He drew in a deep breath and didn't look at me. "…Ve came to America after zee Holocaust… my vife and I. Ve tried to settle down… have a family. But … ve have just gone zhrough too much." He takes a shaky breath. "…Vas too hard on our heatlh- especially hers… she vasn't able to handle zhe birth. And Klaus has never been a healthy boy."

My arms fell loosely at my sides. I didn't have anythin' to say to that kind of story. Everythin' I believed about the Doc… everythin' everyone believed about him… it just wasn't true. He wasn't a Nazi- he was a survivor. And after all he'd been through, to lose his wife like that…? And his son… was he gonna be alright? Before I could reflect much about it, the Doc continued.

He drew in a sharp breath. "… Been to countless hospitals around America. None of zhem can truly help Klaus. Vith zhe multitude of problems he has, he is slowly dying."

He finally looked up at me. I can't describe the kind of pain I saw in his eyes.

"Klaus is nineteen years old. He has your blood type. He has your body chemistry."

I blinked.

"Zhat is vhy I need you. Zhis medicine is not for you, not for the team, not for anyone but Klaus. But I am afraid to use zhem on him vithout testing them first. You are zee perfect subject."

"So… so you're just using me?"

"Ja. I am."

I didn't know what to think of it. Half of me felt betrayed, somehow. I believed up until now that he was helpin' me… but he was only using me so that he could be more confident about helpin' his son. But still… if he needed help with his son… that did change things. Still, he could'a told me this to begin with. It would'a made more sense to me- heck, it would'a made more sense to everyone if he'd just told us.

"You vill breathe a vord of zhis to no one. If it gets out, you are a dead man."

He was serious.

I looked up at him, feelin' a mixture of emotions I can't even describe. Anger, pity, betrayal, understandin'… it was all like one big paradox.

"Why aren't ya tellin' anyone, Doc!? Everybody thinks you're - … everybody thinks you're a crazy Nazi or somethin'!"

"Let zhem believe it. I don't care."

"How could you not care?! You're bein' associated with the very thing that took everythin' from you!"

"It doesn't matter vhat anyone else thinks. I'm here for one reason. Only one reason. I'm here to provide for my son, to save him, and –" He cut himself off, lowering his head a little and taking a deep breath. His face contorted with pain and discomfort.

"And what?"

"Zhis is none of your business. How do you know about my name and Klaus?"

I sighed. All this was still sinkin' in and I wasn't sure what to say. Still, I did promise him I'd tell him how I found out… I looked away. "I was in here a few days ago, snoopin' around. I hid in your closet and I overheard you talkin' to the Heavy."

"Verdammt." The Doc cursed, slamming his fist down on the armrest of his chair. I could tell I was stressin' him out pretty bad, and in his condition it wasn't good. He was lookin' sick again.

"Look, I'm sorry. I just wanted ta figure you out… looks like now I know." I spread my arms out and then let them fall at my sides, defeated. I felt so confused.

"Get out."

At this point, I was ready to go. I'd learned more than I bargained for, and I had a lot ta think about. Plus, I don't think he could handle much more stress.

"…Hope ya feel better, Friedrich."

"I am just zhe medic to you."

I turned and left, giving him one last glance before I headed outside. The last I saw of him, he was completely crumpled in his chair, his face cradled in both hands, and a dove named Archimedes watched him carefully from his shoulder.

Somehow I made it out of the base without any of the other REDs spotting me. Demoman was passed out in the hall on my way back, and the Sniper and the Heavy weren't around. Didn't even see the Engineer anywhere. When I got back to the base, I didn't even see any of the BLU team anywhere. I'm guessin' they were off celebrating the victory somewhere.

I wasn't in the mood for celebratin' anythin'.


	6. Zuhören

_A/N: Thank you for your patience with this chapter. There's not a lot of action, but there will be soon. I have a lot planned for the next few chapters, so it should be fun for me to write, and I hope it will be fun for you to read, too.  
Thank you for the compliments and I'm very thankful this story is still positively received.  
_

* * *

The doc was back in business the next day for the fight. I could tell he was still not feelin' so hot- I noticed he was still pretty pale if I got close enough to see him, and he died more times than I could count. I didn't kill him myself, even though he tried to nick me once or twice with his syringe gun. A simple stray rocket from Soldier usually got him- his reflexes just weren't fast enough to dodge. At one point I even saw him sit down on a rock while he was supposed to be followin' the Heavy, just tryin' to catch his breath. Honestly, kid, I found it kinda funny, in a sad sorta way. The Doc was getting' bludgeoned, exploded, set on fire, shot, stabbed, and generally maimed every time he stepped out of the Respawn and returned to the battlefield.

If I didn't know what he was goin' through, I would'a found it hilarious. I've never seen him do so poorly in a fight before. He was usually the experienced one, who's wild and almost comical laughter could be heard all throughout Teufort, along with the terrified screams from those who accidentally bumped into him around a corner. The only times he ever got killed were by Spy or a lucky shot from Soldier. Now, he just plain sucked.

Honestly, we weren't doin' much better. It was a close victory for us- a real close one. Still, it wasn't my fault we nearly lost- yeah, my heart wasn't in it, but I still was doin' better than everyone else. I got blasted to bits by the Demoman a few times, but they were getting' hammered more than I was by the Engineer's sentries and Heavy's minigun. I mean, I tried ta hold everybody together, but it seemed none of them could really fight with the same vigor they usually did.

For once, the Respawns actually were uncomfortable. Well, they were always uncomfortable, but this time around it was pretty bad. Like, more uncomfortable than usual. Maybe it was because I was self-conscious about them or something, I dunno. Either way, it hurt like hell. My entire body felt like it was getting' sucked out of some sorta void, getting' glued back together and flung back into the world. In a way, that was exactly what was happenin'.

Y'see, our bodies are picked up by the invisible electronic energy that the Respawns have. When we became mercs, we all had these implants put into our backs, so when we're in range of a Respawn, it breaks away our bodies into molecules, transports them back to the machine and puts them all back together again. At least… that's sorta how the Spy explained it to me this one time, and he gave me his own version of it. He heard it from Engineer, who probably said it a lot smarter than he did. So maybe I don't really understand how the Respawn works at all, but that's how it comes across to me.

Anyway, I Respawned a lot this time around. Probably a lot more than I usually do. It wasn't that I was sucking or anything… I was just… drained. I couldn't think about the fight. All I could think about was the Medic. How sick he was. How sick he had to have been in that death camp. How sick he must've been when he lost his wife. I found myself wantin' to know more, yet … not wantin' to. I guess it was the mystery about how much about him I still didn't know that intrigued me, that scratched at my curiosity and made me want to learn more.

I wanted to know how he met the Heavy, how it felt when he was liberated, how he got to America, how he tried to help his son, how he heard about the Dustbowl Wars… heck, I even wanted to know about his life before the war, how he became a doctor, how he met his wife… okay, I admit it, kid. I found how many mysteries this guy had absolutely intriguing. I wanted to make some kinda game out of it, some competition: find out about Friedrcih, and use whatever means necessary.

After the fight that evening, I ran into the Doc. Well, it was less like me runnin' in to him and more of me actively seekin' him out. I hadn't spoken to him since yesterday and I was given enough time to think. He was makin' his slow return to the base when I stopped him, comin' up behind him with my baseball bat slung over my shoulder and my back confidently straight. The Midwest sun stretched my shadow across red dirt, makin' me feel taller than I was.

"Yo, Doc."

He stopped walking and looked over his shoulder, his face blank as a slate. He didn't say a word.

"Didn't expect ta see you fightin' again so soon."

He looked back over toward the wooden fort ahead and shrugged wearily. "Ze Administrator threatened to fire me if I didn't fight. I can't afford zat." He didn't sound like he usually did, strong and confident. He sounded more like somethin' was stuck in his windpipe, makin' his voice come out all airy.  
"Sure you can. There's always other jobs out there."

"Nozing zat allows zis level of risk-free experimental freedom in ze medical field." He responded, reaching up to pluck his glasses from his face and wipe 'em off on his labcoat.

"Well, if you got fired, you could spend more time with Klaus."

He stiffened a little, but he kept his voice calm. "No, zis job gives me more time with Klaus. I am trying to lengthen his life."

"But what if it doesn't work, Doc?"

"It vill. You vill help me get there."

I smile, but I wasn't really happy. In fact, I was kinda offended. I don't like it when people tell me what to do, but at this point I couldn't refuse the Doc. I already agreed to helpin' him earlier, and even if I didn't, he'd probably use me anyway, by force. It worked out better if it was mutually accepted. Plus, knowin' his story now, I was more willin' to do it.

"Well, yeah. I don't have much of a choice, do I?"

"No."

"Do you need my help with anythin' else?"

"Yes. In fact, I vas going to find you in a few hours after I rest for a moment… but I suppose I could get zis over vith first before I rest. If you come vith me, I vill tell ze others I have taken you captive for an experiment. Just play along. In a vay, ve aren't really pretending, anyway."

"Right." He starts walking again, and I follow.

"Hey, Doc?"

"Vat?"

"Have you ever thought of, y'know… offerin' Klaus to be a mercenary here?"

He gave me his crazy "doo-hoo-hoo" laugh and snorted. "Klaus, a mercenary? Vat a stupid idea."

"No, really, I'm serious!" I continue, "He could get the Respawn technology installed in him, and then you wouldn't have to worry about-"

"First off, our contract does not last forever. Ven ve are disbanded ze technology vill be removed from us- it belongs to ze Administration and ze American government can not have any records of it. Secondly, ze Respawn vill likely not save Klaus from a natural death from ze deterioration in his body. As I said before, its only function is to restore our bodies to ze last survivable state it vas in, in terms of injury. His diseases vould remain, and ze vorst thing that could happen to him vould be to become…" he takes a breath, "stuck in an endless cycle betveen life and death, unable to get out, doomed to experience zat death and resurrection over and over again."

He shook his head and continued, "no, Scout, I vill not bring Klaus here. All I vant is to find a vay to give us more time togetzer and to provide for his medical expenses. Ze current technology in hospitals here is not able to cure him. So I am going to find ze cure. Already I have invented ze Medigun. If I can continue to make zese breakthroughs, I vill save him."

"Why don't you use the Medigun on him?"

"Already have. It can't cure him. I need to continue to develop it."

I listened to him silently. I really hadn't thought about the Respawn that way before, and I certainly understood his motivations even more now.

"What if you mess up, though? I don't really wanna die from your experiments."

"You probably von't. I don't kill my patients on purpose, even if I do test zings on zem."

"How'd you become a doctor, anyway? Were you always this… crazy?"

By now we had reached the doors of the RED base and the Doc walks right in, not responding to my question immediately. He seemed to be thinking about whether or not he wanted to respond.

"I vas in medical school before ze war. Naomi and I vere both students."

"…She your wife?"

"…Ja." As we walked through the hallway, we didn't see anyone else. We were almost at the infirmary.

"Were you… good at it? Medicine, I mean."

"…Ja, ve vere. I vorked as a surgeon in a hospital at Stuttgart and she vas my assistant."

I swallowed. "…Why were you… taken to a concentration camp?"

The Medic stiffened and a low curse escaped his lips. He took something out of his pocket and pressed a button, and the electric lock on the infirmary doors clicked. He opened it and stepped inside.

"Never sap that lock again. _Mein gott_- you vill not believe how long it took for ze Engineer and I to replace it."

"Well, maybe you shouldn'ta locked everybody out."

"Stupid boy." He tugged at his rubber gloves and adjusted his labcoat before gesturing to the large chair in the corner of the room. "Sit."

I took my seat, shifting uncomfortably.

I shouldn't have asked him about the concentration camp. It was stupid. God, it was stupid. He seemed like he was openin' up a little until I said that, and he just snapped shut like a disturbed oyster. I saw it in his face- earlier, he looked contemplative, a little sad, a little happy. Now he looked stoic, unphased.

He didn't strap me down this time. He moved somewhere behind the chair. I heard him clinkin' around with glass vials and I heard a pen scratching on paper. Then I heard him exhale, long, slow, somewhat pained. The table creaked under some new weight- I could only guess he was leanin' against it now. Painfully I twisted my body to look over the back of the chair towards the doctor. He was facin' away from me, but I could see his arms leanin' heavily against the table, his shoulders arched and his head was lowered so far I couldn't even see it.

I could tell he was feelin' awful. I didn't wanna say anythin', but I could imagine he was pressin' himself past his limit.

"Uh, Doc? We… don't have ta do this now. I can come back later when you're ready."

"_Nein_. I'm fine." He straightened, still lookin' at the table. I couldn't tell what all he was doing, but his hands continued to work with various objects. "I'm afraid zhis compound, however, is not. It… vill take me some time to prepare it properly."

"What's this one supposed to do?"

"Zhis… is a little different zen ze ozers." He said slowly. "I've experimented vith ze effects of ze Uber technology I designed. I'm afraid it requires ze most… experimentation. It does not use conventional medicine."

I got a little nervous at that.

"…So, what is it, then?"

"Nanobots."

Nanobots? He was gonna inject nanobots into me?! I wasn't sure I liked the sound of that- I was tempted to tell him to find someone else to test it. A multitude of thoughts hit me at once. I've never been Ubered before. Ubering was something only the Medic could do to his team mates. Spy explained to me once that he replaced everyone's hearts, including his own, to include a robotic attachment that allowed Ubers. They seemed perfectly healthy, so maybe the Doc did know what he was doin' with nanobots, crazy as the idea was.

"I… dunno about this, Doc. You know how to build robots? I thought only the Engineer could do that."

"I… convinced him to make me some blueprints."

"Does he know about Klaus?"

"No."

"I don't know if I wanna do this, Doc."

"I underschtand your concern. But trust mich. Zey vill most likely not hurt you. Ze vorst they vill likely do is veaken your immune system, causing all your body's antibodes to attack zhem. If zey do vhat zey are SUPPOSED to…" I heard a smile in his voice. "Zey vill work as an internal Medigun, repairing your injuries from ze inside."

Suddenly the idea of havin' little robots in my body didn't sound so bad. This could _really _give me an edge. But what would Klaus need somethin' like this for? I didn't even know what was really wrong with the kid.

Figured I should just ask.

"Why would Klaus need somethin' like this anyway?"

"Klaus has had, among other zings, severe osteoporosis since he vas born. Ze smallest of falls have ze potential to break several of his bones. Anozer problem is Crohn's disease. I… hope zese nanobots vill be able to help vith both."

The clinking stopped, for a moment. The doctor looked up toward the ceiling, starin' at one of the fluorescent lights.

"I… vant nozing more zen to see my son valk again."

I paused. "What's Klaus like?"

A chuckle escaped the doctor's lips. "Stubborn. Brash. Stone-headed. Kind of like you."

I smiled, but I don't really know why.

"He reads, all ze time… has a taste for all zings old and mysterious, like archaeology. He likes ze ocean, too… even though he… has never seen it… He reads about it. I've brought him to moving pictures… Mein gott, he loves zose. He writes, too. Damn, he is good at it," the doctor's spoke through a chuckle, but it doesn't strike me as a happy chuckle.

He probably didn't know I was looking, but I saw him take off his glasses and wipe his eyes.

He didn't talk any more after that, probably because I stopped asking questions. I didn't know what else to ask him, what else was safe to ask him. I lean back in the chair and shut my eyes. He worked at his table for a while as he prepared the nanobots. I was still a bit nervous about them, but I figured the Doc knew what he was doing. At least, I hope he did.

About thirty minutes passed and nothin' happened. I was gettin' kinda drowsy. I closed my eyes, but I wasn't really asleep. For some reason, I felt like pretending to be, though. I kept myself very still and my breaths very slow.

Before long I felt his shadow over me. I didn't say anything, didn't move.

He really thought I was asleep. I heard him make a sound in the back of his throat, somethin' between a 'huh' and a 'mmmh.'

Then I felt him slip my earpiece off my head.

At first I wanted to stop him, to snap to life and take it back, but I stayed still. I wasn't sure what he was doin' with my headphones. Those things were frickin' expensive- if he was gonna screw with 'em, I could always make him buy me new ones… but my mom gave me those. They were kinda sentimental. Them and the Walkman I carried in my pocket everywhere. Kid, no one really knew about the Walkman-no one really knew WHAT I was listenin' to all the time in my headphones. No one really asked, so I never really told.

I wasn't lookin' at the Doc, but I knew he was listenin' to it. I just knew it.

I knew Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata was playin' in his ear now.

"Klaus likes classical music, too." I heard him say quietly under his breath, almost like an afterthought. He put the earpiece back on my head and gave me a firm shake.

"Scout, vake up."

I snorted and I come back to life. "What, Doc…?" I gave him my best groggy stare, flicking out my tongue to wet my dry lips.

"Are you ready?" He showed me a glass syringe, filled with a strange red liquid.

"Yeah."


	7. Plädieren

_A/N: Here's the longest chapter yet. I considered breaking it into 2 parts, but the thing is, nothing interesting happens if I did that, and I felt like this chapter would be better if it were all in one part because it essentially covers the same topic and it wouldn't be fitting to cut it up. Hope it was worth the wait, and I'll see you for the next chapter in about a week!_

_Also I apologize if this chapter is seen as offensive to anyone; religion is discussed by the characters. I hope to represent these characters worldviews believably, in a way that is conceivable given their backgrounds and personalities, and I'm not condoning or upholding any view point above another in this fanfiction._

* * *

I'm gonna fast-forward a little bit here, kid, because not much interesting happened over the next few weeks. I can tell you this, though: the nanobots the Doc gave me didn't work. That was obvious on the fifth day when I started feelin' kinda weak, and the day after that my muscles felt like they were totally shot. I could hardly walk. Not only that, but they didn't do what they were supposed to and heal me from the inside. I told the Doc about it and he just sighed and said that they were probably all killed by my own immune system. He said there was likely a microscopic war inside my body and most of my body's white blood cells and crap like that were dying left and right… so that explains how gross I felt over the past few days.

Yeah, most of me wants to blame him for it, but he honestly didn't know they'd end up hindering my performance instead of helpin' me. The RED team started winnin' again and it seemed like the Doc was getting' some of his old energy back. In fact, he seemed more determined than usual. He wasn't all that depressed about his nanobots not working- in fact, I think he expected somethin' to go wrong. I swear, at the time, I was pretty ticked. I was like, this guinea-pig stuff seriously better be helpin' him or I'm just wastin' my time and energy- and this is costin' me, too. If I keep losin' like this I won't get enough money for my ma and some of my brothers back home… y'know, the ones who refuse to get jobs for themselves.

Anyway. Thanksgiving was comin' up, and we get five days of vacation to go back and visit our folks, if we so choose. I heard the Soldier and the Pyro were stayin' behind… I felt kinda bad for them. I mean, I hardly know them, so it doesn't matter all that much to me, but I do wonder what sort of family they would've had to return to, if they had one at all. I couldn't even imagine what sorts of stuff the Pyro has gone through… and even if I had the courage to ask him, I doubt he'd give me an understandable answer.

I, for one, wanted to go back to Boston. I hardly ever see my ma anymore and it takes a while to send her letters. And I did kinda miss some of my brothers. Y'know, the ones that weren't out in some gang or in jail or something. The day was comin' up fast and I needed to go to the nearest town to get a train ticket. I was planning on going to get one a day before our vacation, but… that's when somethin' went wrong.

I didn't know how he knew. Maybe he had regular contact with her. Maybe a friend of hers told him about it or something. I didn't care how he knew. All I knew was that the Spy had some bad news, probably the worst news I've ever heard in my life. He came up to me that morning, all packed up with a suitcase clenched in his hand. It was a day early, so I was wonderin' why he was already lookin' like leaving. Before I could even get a word out, he said it.

"Your mother's been in an accident."

"S… say what?"

"A car accident. She's in critical condition. The … the doctors think she will die soon."

I can't describe how I felt in that moment, but it was like everything… shattered. There was a heaviness in my chest, a breathlessness in my heart that I couldn't describe. I couldn't speak. Couldn't think. I just stood there, jaw dropped, starin' at the Spy with tremblin' hands. He was tryin' to look stoic, but I could tell he was strugglin' to hold his composure. I was too.

"I've got us train tickets. I am leaving in one hour to go to the station. The train leaves in two hours."

I tried to speak, but all that came out was, "…no!" I wasn't sure what I was sayin' that for- to the Spy, or to fate, or just to myself.

I don't remember much of what happened after that. Only that I went back to my room and stared at my wall for thirty minutes before I slowly started packin' a few things. Well, I started packin' them after I threw them against the wall, beat my head against it and curled up on my bed. Another fifteen minutes passed.

Then it hit me.

So doctors said that my ma was gonna die.

But they weren't like Friedrich.

Maybe it was a crazy idea, maybe it was stupid. Maybe Friedrich had other plans for his Thanksgiving break, but I wasn't about to let that get in the way. I didn't know anyone smarter than that guy. If anyone could save my ma, it was him.

I ran like a maniac. Faster than I ever did. The Spy said the train was leavin' in an hour- and it's already been fourty-five minutes. I wasted too much time mopin' about things instead of doin' somethin' about it. But I could beat myself up over it later.

I burst into the RED base without caring who would find me there. I was sure they were probably preparin' for their vacations too, and probably wouldn't have time to deal with me.

"Medic! Doc! Doc!" I cried, dashing through their base and not carin' about all the noise I made.

As I ran around the corner, someone's arm suddenly shot out and stopped me dead in my tracks. I wheezed, nearly folded in half over his arm.

The Engineer stepped out and grabbed my arm. "What are you doin' here, boy, makin' all that noise!?"

"I need to talk to the Doc!" I gasped, breathless.

"Why?"

"It's- it's important- please! Where is he!?" I couldn't hide the desperation in my voice.

The Engineer's face softened. "In the kitchen. I'll take you to him."

I couldn't bring myself to say thanks, but I nodded and followed him wordlessly into their wimpy little kitchen. Luckily, Friedrich was there, drinking a glass of water and starin' out a window. He was in his labcoat, his back confidently straight and a dove was perched on his shoulder. The mornin' light shone through the single window, castin' a sharp square of light on the bare floor.

"We got a visitor, Medic." Said the Engineer, nudging me forward.

He looked over his shoulder and stared at me with that blank look of his, before it morphed into a smile that I couldn't tell whether or not was genuine.

"…Doc, you gotta help me… it's important and I'm runnin' out of time- … shit, I've only got like, ten minutes left…" I wheezed.

"Vhat's this about…?"

"It's- it's my ma… she- she was in an accident- I… I heard she was gonna die- … I -… you have to do somethin', you have to help her, Doc…"

"Vhat? Vhy me? Doesn't she live in Boston?" He responded casually, sipping his water. "I vas going to see my-" he stopped, casting a glance at Engineer, continuing carefully. "-…my family." So the Engineer didn't know about Klaus? I didn't know why the Doc was so careful about revealing that information.

"I-… I know, Doc- I-… I know about that, I just- you're- you're the smartest doctor I know. If anyone can save her-"

"I'm not going. Find someone else."

"Doc-!" I whisper, my hands forming fists at my sides.

"I have other obligations, to my own family, who haven't seen me in a very long time. I can't afford to miss zhis opportunity to see zhem, just to help someone I don't even know."

"But- but it's my _mother_…!" I plead. "I- … I love her… I – I've hardly seen her in such a long time… I don't wanna lose her, Doc…" I can't keep my voice from cracking. "…You've lost someone you loved. Y-… you know it feels…"

I saw him stiffen, his back straightening and a frown deepening on his face. The Engineer glanced between us, lookin' somewhat confused and a little embarrassed. He folded his arms behind his back and fidgeted uncomfortably. He looked like he was about ready to back out of the room and leave us to talk privately, but the Medic didn't give him enough time to make a decision. He spoke, his voice resolute and his brows scrunched together.

"…very vell, Scout. You vin."

He set his cup down on a nearby counter. "…I need to gather my zhings."

"We- we don't have time- the Spy's probably ready to leave right now- he already got me a train ticket and-"

"Ve can't take ze train anyvay. I vill need to bring some of my equipment and zhere is no vay I can smuggle it all onto a train. You vill need to come vith me because I don't know ze exact vay."

My shoulders droop. I didn't think it all through, but it was true- if the Doc was gonna come he'd need to drive himself. And it was gonna be a long way from here to Boston. It had to be like, thirty hours of driving to get there. "We'd… have to go all the way to Boston."

"Are – you sure about this, Doc?" Engineer said slowly.

"Ze Scout has a point. Doctors in conventional hospitals may not have ze knowledge to save his mutter. I, however…" He pushed his glasses up on his face. "I, most likely, can."

He paused for a moment to think, leaning against the counter. "…From here to Boston… if ve drove vithout stopping at a hotel, only for gas and food… it vould take us more zhen a day. I can't drive forever. You vill have to drive for some time, Scout."

"I-… I can't," I admitted.

"You can't drive?"

"I never got my license. I don't know how."

"Scheiß…" He rubbed at the bridge of his nose. "Ve only haff five days. It vill take a little less zhen two to get zhere, leaving us only a day vith your mutter before ve come back. And if you can't drive… ve'll never make it in time. Unless…"

The Medic's eyes trailed to the Engineer, and he shrunk, a grimace spreading across his face. He lifted a hand to rub his massive jaw.

"…Vill you come?"

It was exactly what the Engineer didn't want to hear. He fidgeted. "Look, I-… this isn't my problem, Doc. I- I'm gonna go back to Bee Cave to see my own family. Can't you ask the Sniper, or…?"

"Ze Sniper is already gone. He left early because zhere is no fight today as it is."

"Eh- Heavy?"

"I…" Medic frowned. "…I need ze Heavy to do something for me. I… I vas going to send him to visit my family in my stead. Plus, he vas going to take care of my doves."

"Well, this is Scout's problem. He could get the Spy or Soldier or Pyro to drive-"

A chuckle escaped my lips. "Pyro? Soldier? They're freakin' insane. I wouldn't trust 'em to drive, they'd kill us. And the Spy's long gone by now. And I don't think I need ta explain why Demoman wouldn't work."

"Look, I'm not doin' it, fellas…" The Engineer raised his palms outward.

"I'll make it worth your while," I spoke up, turnin' to him. "My ma's gonna die if we don't get there in time, and there's no way I'm askin' Soldier or Pyro." Desperation crept up in my voice again.

"I don't see why you can't ask the Heavy, Doc. He seems to be a good friend, and your family'd understand, right?"

The Medic swallowed and went silent for a few moments, as though he was steeling himself and comin' to some sort of conclusion in his mind. He then answered, "I vould rather him visit my son, Klaus… zhe only family I have. He's in zhe hospital and he has been looking forward to this for a long time. I can't leave him alone- he deserves to have someone he knows to visit him."

"Oh…" The Engineer replied, reaching to rub the back of his neck. "…That makes sense, I guess." If I could see his whole face I think he would've looked a little shocked. He probably didn't have any idea what the Doc's family was like, and now he knew at least a little about it. He now knew the Doc had a son and that was it.

"I swear, Engie, I'll make it worth your while- you- you can have my entire salary for a month." I meant it, I really did.

"L-look, I don't need your money…"

"My mom's gonna die!"

Engineer placed both hands on his helmet, turning sideways for a moment and staring at the wall. Then, his arms dropped to his sides and his body gave this whole defeated slouch.

"You owe me big time, fellas."

* * *

It took the Medic a few minutes to get ready. He had to let the Heavy know what happened, and from what I gathered, Aleksandr was happy to go in his stead, but concerned about the situation. He helped the Medic pack up his medical equipment- most importantly, his Medigun. He got everythin' together eventually, though, and before I knew it I was sittin' in his dusty old van with the Heavy wavin' goodbye in the rear-view mirror. Engineer was in the passenger's seat so I took the one behind him. I knew I was in for a long ride, so I tried to make myself comfortable and took a book out to read. It was an anthology of short stories, so I opened up one by William Faulkner.

Soon, we were out on the dusty, brown Kansas road, watchin' vast expanses of nothing go by our windows and it felt like we weren't goin' anywhere. The only sound was the engine rumbling and the tires rolling along the road- the Engineer and the Medic were completely silent. As I read my book, I kept wonderin' if they were ever gonna say omethin'. The silence was really uncomfortable. Like, more uncomfortable than usual.

Two hours went by and nobody said anything at all. I realized I couldn't even pay attention to my book, I forgot what I was readin' the second my eyes scanned over the words. I was sick of the silence. I just wanted someone to say *something*. I folded it down on my lap and looked up towards them, darin' to open my mouth.

"Hey, uh… Engineer?"

"Mmhmm?"

"Since you're, uh… comin' along… mind if I know your name?"

"Dell Conagher."

"Thanks."

"Who're you?"

I felt a lump growin' in my throat. I really don't like tellin' people my name. My real name. It's… so embarrassing. I admit it, I got a silly name, kid, and there was no way I was tellin' the Engineer.

"Just call me Pheidippides."

"Fi-dip-a-what?"

"Pheidippides. Y'know… Ancient Greek mythology? Founder of the marathon race?"

"Ain't no way that's your name."

"Course it is."

The Engineer chuckled. "Whatever, kid. I'll just call ya Scout, okay?"

I shrugged. "Whatever float's your boat, Dell."

Dell looked over at the still-silent driver, "…What about you, Doc? What's your name?"

He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, not breaking his gaze with the road even though it was still pretty much flat and straight as far as the eye could see. "I'm Friedrich Steinkopf."

It was odd, but even though we worked together for months as mercs, we didn't make a point to learn each other's names. It was strictly business- we usually had little interest in knowin' each other. We had our private lives, our private names, and to let someone in on that would be to open the doors to something more.

It was in that moment that I realized it. That's just what happened to me and Friedrich. I learn his name, and all the sudden I wanna know everythin' about the moron. I didn't wanna admit it, but I really wanted to be his friend. I kinda liked him, even though he could be crazy and terrifying sometimes. I didn't know if he saw me as a friend, though- maybe he did, because he agreed to sacrifice bein' with Klaus to help my mom.

I felt guilty, I really did. He was gonna spend time with his son but now he would have to wait until Christmas. But the fact that he was givin' that up to help me… maybe he really did care about me, and wasn't just usin' me as a test subject for his son. I dunno. Maybe he just wanted to keep me in high spirits and a strong psychological condition for his tests. Still, I wanted to believe that he thought of me as more than just a lab rat.

I was dragged outta my thoughts when the Engineer spoke again.

"I've seen that Scout around a lot lately, Doc, and now we're drivin' all the way to Massachusetts for him. What's the deal, Doc? What's up with this?"

Friedrich drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, taking a deep breath. "Zhis does not matter, does it?"

"Well, I think I deserve to know a thing or two, considerin' I just gave up seein' my wife and daughter for this."

The Medic softened. I could see it in his shoulders, the way they dropped from that stiff posture into a defeated slouch. "I'm sorry. It's… zhis is hard for me. I'm not used to discussing such zhings."

The Engineer waited patiently and didn't say anything, so Friedrich continued.

"Zhe Scout has been helping me look for a cure for some of Klaus's diseases." He said carefully. "He's Klaus's age and happens to have all zhe necessary chemistry for him to be an ideal test subject."

"So he's your guinea pig?"

"In a way… ja."

"And you agreed to this?" He looked over the edge of his chair toward me, and I nodded.

"Well, yeah, I mean… so far, most of the stuff he's given me actually helps. It makes me stronger."

"So you're givin' the BLUs an advantage!" Engineer whirled around to face the Medic. "That just ain't right, Doc!"

"It's for my son!" Friedrich snapped. "I don't care vhat sorts of advantages it gives zhe Scout. One of zhe compounds actually hurt him, so ve easily von zhat fight."

At this point, their voices started to escalate- I could tell they were gettin' a bit angrier and angier, though they still kept it subdued enough to where I could just barely see it, like rage bubblin in a cauldron but not overflowing.

"You've been causin' more harm than good on the field lately, Doc. We lost so many rounds because of you- that really docked our pay!"

"Vithout my Medigun you vould all be dead seconds after Respawning."

"Well what about that time you got yourself so sick you couldn't do a blind thing?!"

"Zhat vas not my fault." Friedrich ran a free hand through his hair, causin' it to stick up in several places.

"So you didn't get yourself drunk or somethin'?"

"No."

"Then what was it?"

"I was in withdrawal from my antidepressants. I vas trying to wean myself off of zhem." Friedrich snapped, gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white.

That comment diffused the Engineer's subdued anger. He was silent for a few moments, then I heard that "oh" of realization before he shrank back. "I'm sorry, Doc. I didn't' know."

"I vish it stayed zhat vay."

The conversation awkwardly ended there. I fidgeted uncomfortably in my chair.

_Twenty-eight more hours of this. _

_I can do this. _

_I think._

We stopped by a drive-through restaurant and just kept going, with Medic's food sitting on the dashboard and me and Engie with burgers in our laps. I hate the feelin' of eatin' without a table, but, we had to do it out of necessity. And a while later we took another stop for bathroom breaks and gas, and our next stop was another drive-through supper, and that's when the Engineer traded off with the Medic to give him a bit of a driving break. We still had another eighteen hours on the road, and kid, I've never been so bored in my entire life.

It was awkward, boring, and cramped, and I have a hard time sleeping in cars. I could hardly focus on reading. I had to amuse myself by countin' the number of gray hairs on the back of Friedrich's head. I don't' think he was asleep, but his eyes were closed and his feet were propped up on the dashboard, boots and all. Eventually I got so bored I finally fell asleep, and the Engineer was a smoother driver than the Medic.

I only woke up when Engineer pulled over to get some more food and trade places with Friedrich, who had gotten in a nap and was ready to take the wheel again and let Dell have a break. I don't know what happened after that, only that I fell back asleep, and when I woke up it was dawn outside. I wasn't sure how much time had passed, but I knew we were gettin' close. The Doc was still drivin' and it looked like the Engineer was still snoozin' in the passenger seat.

I wake up and stretch a little, then I pull my book out of my travel bag and work on a little readin' in the mornin' light. Outside, things have definitely changed a lot- the landscape's sorta rugged and green, with forests and mountains and plains everywhere. I can tell we're not far from Boston now. We were drivin' through a woodsy area.

"How long have we been drivin'…?" I ask groggily.

"Twenty-two hours, I think." The Medic replied. Engineer snorted a little and turned in his chair.

Some more time passed and we got some breakfast, and everyone was pretty much awake. Not much interesting happened until one moment, when we were about six hours away from Boston.

I really don't know what inclined me to say it. Maybe it was because I was readin' a lot of literature, and it's been on my mind. Or maybe it was more deep-rooted than I wanted to believe, I dunno. Maybe the simple fact of it was I was curious. Either way, I regret bringing it up, because what resulted of it was definitely not what I was expecting.

"Friedrich?"

"Vhat?"

"Do you believe in God?"

He was surprised- I could see his eyebrows shoot up and then he squinted, casting me a quick glance. "Of course not. I lost faith a long time ago."

Engineer fidgeted uncomfortably.

"So you did, at one point?" I asked.

"…Ja, I did. My father was a Rabbi's assistant."

I don't know much about religion, and I wasn't sure if I believed in God or not, to be honest. I really didn't know for sure what a Rabbi was, but I figured it was some kind of priest. Then my mind started to connect the dots, at that moment. His father was a Rabbi- probably some kind of priest- and he was a victim of the Holocaust.

Friedrich was a Jew- he had to be.

"I believe in God," Engineer suddenly spoke, his voice quiet and subdued, almost as though he was ashamed of it, shyly stepping out into the light.

"I'm sorry for you." Friedrich muttered under his breath.

"Beleivin' in God isn't a bad thing." Engineer responded, stiffening a little.

"No, but perhaps a little narrow-minded."

"I think faith is important… it helps me understand the world."

"Faith? In the end, vhat is the point? No manner of faith stopped ze Holocaust. No matter of faith protected us vhen ve were carted off and murdered in droves like dogs. If God exists, he is not good. He abandoned his people vhen ve needed him most. And I don't vant to believe the universe is mediated by something like zhat. Zhere is no God. Zhere are no gods."

There was no denying the anger in Friedrich's voice, the edge of his words cut like knives and I could see them stab into the Engineer, causing him to flinch as though he was physically hurt. Still, however, he continued to argue, though I could tell he was losing.

Then my gaze trailed to the windshield. The trees were whizzing by faster and faster.

"You can't blame God for the evil of humans." Dell said.

"Doc?" I said.

"If God loved us he vould have protected us." Friedrich said.

"Doc?"

"You don't know what it feels like, Dell."

We were goin' faster.

"But I vas there. I know."

Even faster. "Doc?!"

"Zhere vas no God zhere to protect us. Ve all believed a lie!"

"LOOK OUT!"

It was the most poorly timed deer I've ever seen in my life. And it was too late for Friedrich to hit the brakes.


	8. Hoffen

A/N: So sorry this took so long, guys. I gotta admit, these past few weeks have been really tough academically and emotionally, and this chapter proved to be the hardest one to write. Mostly because I have little experience with how hospitals work and I have no idea what I'm doing. So, if the characters do or say anything that strikes you as abusrd, you have my sincerest apologies: I just don't know what I'm doing! (But hey, that's the fun in fan-fiction, right? This isn't technically going to be published so I can make a few mistakes and learn from them, given someone is kind enough to provide a review to educate me!)

Anyway, it's another long chapter, but I hope it's interesting, even though it's a bit rushed in some places and doesn't flow as well as I would've liked.

Shout-outs to Rinley, Wepul, RavenBlade, Adams7, XxSiberianTigerxX, Flurrin, and Inimitable Enigma Cypher. Thank you for your interest in the story and the kind reviews. And thank you everyone who has added to favorites or alerted this story. It's you guys that encourage me to keep writing.

Hope you guys have a happy Thanksgiving and I'll see you again in a week or so!)

* * *

Impact. The seatbelt snagged my chest. The van spun, wheels squealing on asphalt. There was another impact. My shoulder hit the door next to me and my head followed suit, thumping on glass. My head was spinnin'. For a moment I didn't realize we weren't moving anymore. My insides felt all scrambled up.

I opened my eyes not realizing I had closed them. I smelled burning rubber and blood. I blinked blearily and tried to remember where I was and what I was doin'. Somethin' about my mom, and a road trip…

I was in the Medic's van. In front of me, the Engineer sat slumped in his chair, his face cushioned by an airbag. Next to him the Medic was fighting with his own airbag, cursing in German and sputtering expletives I've never heard before.

"Scheiß, scheiß, scheiß- Scout? Are you okay!?" He gasped. "…Dell!? Dell, are you alright!?"

"I- I think I'm okay-… did we hit somethin'?" I answered, my mouth dry.

There was no answer from the Engineer.

The Medic shook the Texan's shoulder. His body was limp. The Medic tugged him backwards, pulling his body off the airbag and pushing him back in his chair. I couldn't see much but I saw the Medic's expression change from angry to concerned.

"Verdammt!" He cursed again. "He's unconscious- might've broken something… Was habe ich getan…?"

At that point I saw it, too, turnin' my body to see the Engineer more clearly. Blood was streamin' from his mouth and nose.

The doctor unbuckled himself and proceeded to get out of the car, walk around to the passenger seat and unbuckle the Engineer. While he was doin' that I took time to look around and figure out where we were. Outside there were trees. The road was a few feet away and what was left of the deer was strewn across it, blood tracked by the tires. The side of the van had crashed into a tree. I couldn't see the damage from the windows.

The Medic pulled Engineer out of the seat and started to move him. He dragged him out of the chair and set him on the forest ground, his body cushioned by a pile of fresh fallen leaves. I could see him even more clearly now- blood streaked his face and one of his eyes was loosely open, the pupil rolled behind his eyelid.

I'd seen tons of dead guys and their lifeless eyes in my time as a mercenary. It never really bothered me, because I knew they weren't really dead. They'd come back out of the Respawn. I'd been desensitized to it. I found myself wishin' he was wearin' his goggles- they always hid his eyes. But now I saw them clear as day.

It struck me, at that moment, that there was no Respawn out here. And we all could've died in that wreck- for good. I couldn't tell how much damage was done to the Engineer but I could tell it was bad. It seemed that blood was still flowing from his parted lips and crooked nose.

The German doctor that hovered over him wasn't looking so hot either- a fresh, purple bruise was blooming over his cheek and I noticed that his glasses were gone- they probably fell off his face during the wreck. For a moment I wondered if I should look for them for him… what else could I do?

"Scout. Zhere's not much time. Bring me my Medigun. Don't forget zhe battery pack."  
I did what he said almost without thinking, my hands mechanically unbuckling myself. The door on my side was stuck on a tree so I had to get out the other side. I opened up the back door and gathered up the Medigun and the battery pack it was attached to, delivering them to the doctor without a word.

Luckily no other cars had passed us just yet. It wasn't a busy road today. If anyone saw the Doc's Medigun there could be trouble. I watched him pick up the heavy tube-shaped gun and point the business end towards the Engineer's body. He flipped a switch, pulled the trigger, and the machine hummed to life, electric energy surging from the gun's barrel and striking the Engineer.

He jerked. A moan escaped his lips and he coughed up a mouthful of blood. Still, the beam of energy surged around his body, little bolts of electricity dancing and crackling around him. He blinked blearily, lifting up his hand to idly wipe at his mouth and nose.  
"Dell?" The doctor asked, still keeping his gun focused on the Engineer's body.

"…What…?" He tried to lift his bald head up out of the leaf-covered ground, but he just let it drop again with a moan. "…Look out for that deer, Doc…" He murmured weakly.

"Too late for that, Conagher." The Medic responded quietly.

"Is he okay?" I asked, finally finding my voice, but it came out in a stupid squeak. My voice doesn't squeak! Not usually, anyway.

"He probably has a concussion. Zhere is not much zhe Medigun can do for zhat." He finally lowered the gun and flipped the switch off, letting the energy subside. "His vorse injuries should be cured now, zhough… but I'm afraid it vill take him some time to recover from zhis…"

Dell stared at us blankly, his eyes flicking back between us. He then squeezed them shut and rubbed his forehead with his thumb and forefinger. "Ugnh… I feel like I was just hit by a steamroller…"

"A deer, more likely." I replied.

"So we _did_ hit that deer?"

The Medic said nothing. He lowered his hand towards the Engineer to help him up. "You should get some rest in zhe back seat." He said. "Let me know if you start to feel sick or somezhing…"

Dell took his hand and slowly stood up. I could tell he was pretty dizzy and shaky on his feet. "…I'm… I'm alright, Doc. Wh… we still goin' to Boston…?"

"I need to be sure zhe van still vorks…" When Dell was standin', Friedrich leaned over to pick up his Medigun to put it back in the car while the Engineer climbed into a back seat. I returned to my seat as well, not knowing what else to do.

When the Medic opened the driver's seat door, I heard him curse in German and slam his fist against the door so hard I was sure it would bruise.

"What? What?"

"My glasses."

"What about 'em?"

He leaned down to pick them off the floor. The lenses were popped out of the frames and they were likely broken to pieces.

"I might not be able to drive. I can't see very vell."

"S- say what?"

"Scout… if zhe van still vorks… I vill need you to drive."

"But I don't have my license! And I've never driven a thing in my life!"

"You vill have to learn fast or ve von't be getting far. I'm not feeling too good and I can't see."

"But-"

He stepped away from the door and said, "Get in the driver's seat. You know better vhere to go from here anyvay."

Oh man. Oh man, oh man, oh man.

Usually I wasn't scared of nothin'. But there wasn't a Respawn out here. I had to learn fast or die- like, really. Or get thrown in jail. And then my mom would die. My entire life, my entire future, could boil down to this one, single moment. I can't describe the kind of pressure I felt right then.

Y'know, kid. I didn't wanna tell you this, but… I feel like it'd help you understand if I did. See, my brothers- at least, most of 'em… they all thought I'd never be a man. They'd make fun of me, because I'm so small, because I never grew any hair on my chin and couldn't hold on my own in a scrap. They all thought I was useless. That, when it came down to it, I'd be a chicken and not a man.

I worked hard every day to prove them all wrong. That's one reason why I'm a merc. To prove my entire family that I can be a man.

It's moments like this that showed the world whether or not I could be a man. If I'd just allow myself to crumble under the pressure, or if I'd stand tall and conquer. And I couldn't allow myself to give up, not when so much was at stake.

It didn't take me long to decide. In moments I was out of the back seat, walkin' around the side of the car and hoppin' in to the driver's seat through the open door. The Doc climbed in the back in the seat next to Engineer. After buckling himself in, he leaned in close.

"I'm sure you already know zhe basics. Zhe right pedal is zhe gas, zhe left pedal is zhe breaks. Vhen you turn on zhe car, zhe car vill always stay in some sort of motion unless you hold zhe breaks. Turn zhe key to start zhe car."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." I said, tryin' to stay calm. I turned the key and the engine revved to life. So the car still worked- so far.

It wasn't in park, so it immediately started to roll forward. There was a tree right in front of us. In a panic, I mashed my foot on the breaks.

"Remember to only use one foot-"  
"Yeah, I know."

"Okay. See if you can steer it back onto zhe road."

I let off the brake and let the car coast through the leaves and the grass and back onto the paved road.

"Now go!"

I gotta say, kid, I was a natural. Once I figured it out, I was speedin' along the road, figurin' out the steering almost immediately. I can't describe the feeling- it was like I was free. A chuckle escaped my lips and I felt the car goin' faster and faster down the road, barrelin' around curves like no tomorrow.

"Too fast!"

Unfortuately, I forgot about the speed limit. The doc was digging his fingernails into the back of the seat, and I could hear his rapid breaths behind me. "Too fast, too fast!"

I hit the brakes too hard and the car jerked. His body was nearly flung into the back of my chair, if it wasn't for his seat belt. I heard him choke as the seat belt tightened around him. Dell wasn't doin' much better. "G-good Lord, boy!"

"Sorry, sorry!"

"Ach! Zhere is a car coming up behind us! Move! Schnell!"

I mashed my foot on the gas again.

"Too much gas!"

I let off a little. The car that was comin' up behind us started to slow down, but he was ridin' my bumper and makin' me uncomfortable. I sped up a bit more, but this time I tried to be more careful.

I knew where I was goin'. I knew this forest road- it was a back road, a short-cut my mom used ta use all the time. Not very many people took it, and that was the reason why I liked it. When I started to get a feel for the car more, it was smooth sailin', at least until we got to the city.

Then the real challenge would begin.

We got through the forest road and on towards the city, and once we were in town, I realized I wasn't sure exactly which hospital she was in. But, I was pretty sure it'd be the same one she took my brothers to when they got the crap beat out of them.

I'll save you the gory details, kid- long story short, I made it through the city without breakin' any laws. I owe that to the Medic, really, keepin' me on track the whole way. He guided me through the traffic until we safely reached the hospital parking lot, where we had some time to catch our breath and, well, feel a bit triumphant about ourselves.

We finally made it.

"Now… zhere is the issue of zhe Medigun." The Doc spoke after several moments of silence. "I've been zinking about it zhis whole time, and… vell. Zhere is no vay I can bring it in zhere and use it on her. Zhere vill need to be a vay I can get in unseen, or ve vill need to get her out."

"You mean you didn't already have a plan for this!?"

"Vell, no. In order to come up vith a plan I need to be familiar with zhe facility. Plus… zhe cooperation of the Spy vill be necessary, if ve can find him."

"Shit." I growled under my breath. "Dammit Doc, I thought you had a plan!"

"Trust me, it vill vork out." The Doc tried to reassure me. "Zhere are many vays ve can get around zhis. But before ve do anyzhing, ve need to make sure ve can find zhe Spy."

"Right, right…" I tapped nervously on the steering wheel. "I- I can't imagine he left already."

"Zhen I zhink zhe first zhing ve should do…" The doc unbuckled himself. "Dell, are you feeling alright?"

"I think so…"

"Good… because I'd hate for you to have to be admitted to zhe hospital, too. It vould make zhings a little more complicated." He opened the door. "Let's go."

.

I'm gonna spare you all the details about signin' in and lookin' for the room my mom was in. I really wasn't paying much attention so I didn't remember it anyway. Friedrich did all the work getting us past the reception deskand everythin', so Dell and I just followed him down the halls until we found her room.

It was that moment when my brain kicked back on. Here I was, standin' at my mom's door. Inside, she was dyin'. The Spy might be in there, he probably had no idea I was even gonna show up. He probably thought I bailed when I never showed up to take the train.

It was Friedrich who opened the door first, not even botherin' to ask me if I wanted to go in first. I was a little offended, but had he asked me, I probably wouldn't have wanted to go in first, anyway. Now that I was here, I realized I really didn't want to see her. I didn't want to see what she would look like. I hadn't seen her in so long and I didn't want to see her like this.

When he stepped inside, and the Engineer followed him, I stood at the doorway with my breath held. I heard the beeping of a heart monitor. I couldn't see the bed where my mom was, but I saw the Spy. He was sitting in a chair, his balaclava was gone but he was still wearing a suit. He looked up from a book and blinked at the unexpected company. When he saw Friedrich and the Engineer, he jerked his spine upright in the chair.

"What are you doing here?!" He whispered harshly.

Friedrich held up his palms in defense and spoke, "the Scout asked me to come and see if I could save her."

Spy blinked, then he looked over at the doorway. "I thought you…"

"What'd you think I was gonna do, abandon her?!" I said, finally entering the room. I steeled myself and finally glanced over at my mom in the hospital bed. She had all sorts of wires and tubes hooked up to her. Her face was burned and scabbed and some of her hair was missing. I couldn't see much else because of the hospital gown and sheets that covered her and an oxygen mask obscured the lower half of her face.

I… couldn't bear to look much longer. A lump formed in my throat and I felt sick. I didn't know what exactly happened to her- the Spy didn't tell me what kind of accident it was… I didn't know what could've possibly done this to her.

"They're RED! This is-" Spy began, but I shut him up.

"He's a doctor. You know what sorts of crazy stuff he can do. I thought if anyone could save her, he could. He's done things that modern science hasn't even dreamed of yet."

"But how did you-?" The Spy lifted his hand to rub the bridge of his thin nose. "We're not allowed to communicate with the other team outside of combat. You know what the Administrator wants. It's in our contract."

"Yeah, well, I don't give a shit about contracts." I said. "Friedrich and Dell gave up their vacation to come here and help us."

"Yes, now let's stop arguing und come up with a vay to save her. Ve don't have much time und I can't operate on her vhile she is here. Ve need to find out how to move her or smuggle my equipment in." Friedrich added.

"_Merde_. This is- this is madness!" The Spy groaned under his breath. After his initial shock of seeing them was wearing off, he seemed to be calming down. He ran his fingers through his hair and then looked over at me. "We will talk about this later, Scout. I don't know how you managed to convince these RED mercenaries to help, but it doesn't matter now. If they can really help her… then I am willing to try. She is not going to live much longer if we don't do something."

"So what're you fellas plannin'?" A tired-eyed Dell spoke, rubbing his forehead with a thick hand.

"I might be able to get her out. I can disguise myself as her doctor and explain that she is going to be relocated to another hospital where a more experienced surgeon can work on her. Technically, it is the truth."

"But what if her real doctor is around?" Dell asked.

"One of you will have to distract him, unless he is currently operating on someone else." The Spy replied.

"But then we'd have to take her on the stretcher across the parking lot to the Doc's van and there's not enough room for her there…" I said.

"We are going to steal an ambulance." The Spy answered.

"But that- what if someone needs it!?"

"It von't be for long." Friedrich said. "But zhen zhere is the issue of bringing her somewhere I can work on her."

"My house isn't far from here… Me and the Doc can get back in his van and I can take them home… Engie can stay here as a distraction and then Spy can take her to my house, where the Doc can work on her, then Spy can take the ambulance back."

"But what about your brothers? Won't they be there?"

I frowned. I didn't think about that, but there was a good chance they'd be there. "Yeah, they might be…"

"Zhen ve vill need to find some vay to get them to leave. Or, at the very least, let me work privately and sneak in my Medigun."

"I'll see what I can do when we get there, Doc."

In the end, we decided that this plan would probably work best, given the limited amount of time we had and the scope of what we needed to accomplish. It wasn't perfect, but we didn't have a lot of time to think of any alternatives.

In time, Medic and I were back in the van, leaving Spy and Engineer to their own devices. I couldn't help worryin' the whole time that somethin' was going to go wrong. Still, I had to focus enough to direct Friedrich on where to go- luckily it wasn't too far, just ten minutes away further into town.

I was lucky to have a house and not an apartment. I mean, we needed it, with 9 of us living here. Well, usually 9. Some of my brothers didn't live there anymore, and I didn't either, obviously. But at one time all of us were there and it was like hell. If I ever had a day where all of us were happy, I don't remember it. Honestly, bein' a merc, it's the happiest I've ever been. Goin' home again… brought back memories. Bad ones. Still, I wanted to be here. I pushed the memories to the side as the Doc pulled the van in to the driveway.

The house seemed pretty much the same as when I left it. It was a small two-story house that showed obvious signs of age, wear and tear. It wasn't like, falling apart or anything, but it had definitely seen better days. Two of my brothers' cars were parked on the curb, so I knew there was somebody home. I took a deep breath. If there wasn't already enough emotional drama, I knew there'd be more when we got inside.

"Go talk to your brothers. Ideally, they need to leave. Ozhervise I vill need to find a vay to get my equipment in unseen."

"Mmhmm."

After we parked on the curb, I got out of the van and stepped up the creaky wooden steps onto our porch, painted with a fading brown. After opening the door, I took the first step inside. The place smelled familiar, too- just as it was when I left it. I can't describe it, just as you'd have a hard time describing what someone else's house smells like when there's no candles lit and no dinner cooking. It wasn't a bad smell- in fact, I liked it. It was the smell of home.

In moments one of my brothers was pounding down the hall, comin' to the door pretty quick. He blinked at me, expressionless. Two of my other brothers followed close behind him.  
It was in that moment where I wasn't really sure HOW I was gonna explain this situation to my brothers or get them to leave the house. I was pretty stumped. I hadn't talked to them in so long and I wasn't sure who was gonna come around the wall into the entry hall. Some of my brothers were more reasonable than others.

When they came to the entryway I saw Vince, Danny and Walter. Could've been worse. Vince and Walter were closer to me in age but Danny was the second oldest. We got along alright, though. At least Nate wasn't here.

"Punkin', what're you doin' here?" Said Vince, a surprised look plastered on his unshaven face. Behind him were Danny and Walter. They didn't seem exactly happy to see me, but they didn't seem upset either. Mostly they were just surprised that I showed up.

"I'm here to see Mom."

"She's even here, she's at the hospital." Danny said with his usual monotone voice and expressionless stare. There was never a day when Danny looked emotional or enthusiastic about anything. Today, though, he was particularly more stone-cold than usual.

"Yeah, I know." I said. "But the doctor's gonna bring her back home, did you know that?"

The three of them exchanged glances and gave me an uncertain stare. "What? I never heard that. They said she was gonna die. Why're they releasin' her already… is she miraculously better or something?" Walter said quietly.

Now came the time where I had to figure out how the heck I was gonna explain this. I really didn't know what to say without givin' away Friedrich. Then again, did I have to worry about giving him away?If I explained to them the situation, would they understand? Or would they become a liability to Friedrich and his Medigun?  
I swallowed. I didn't have a lot of time to explain. I had to come up with something, and fast.

"Listen, guys." I began, slumping a little and raising my palms defensively, and began to explain. "I met this doctor. He works with me as a mercenary. He's actually… the best doctor I've ever met. He convinced the hospital to bring Mom home for a bit- he thinks that being here she'll recover faster, and they also said he can work on her a bit. He's more experienced than anybody I've ever met and the hospital agrees."

I heard Vince whisper to the two others somethin' along the lines of, "is he bullshitting us?"

"I ain't givin' you guys any shit." I said louder."If you don't believe me, just wait. An ambulance is gonna come up any minute and bring her in. Then Friedrich's gonna come work on her. But you guys gotta give him space. He doesn't work well in crowds so you gotta stay leave him and Mom in peace. Is her room cleared off enough to wheel her in?"

"I don't believe this," Walter said, tilting his head to stare incredulously at the ceiling. "You're completely bullshitting us. And if you're not, you're crazy. She can't leave the hospital, we saw her. She's gonna die."

At that moment, the ambulance pulled into our driveway. All eyes went to the window.  
In moments, the Spy, disguised as a paramedic, began to take her towards the house in a stretcher. Following was the Engineer, dressed in hospital work clothes and looking as official as anyone could be.

I didn't know how they managed to pull this off and get here so fast. My heart skipped a beat when I saw them coming. This was it- the moment of truth. But now there was no way I could get my brothers to leave or at least distract them from noticing Friedrich. I was pretty much stuck now. We helped the "doctors" Spy and Engineer bring Mom into her room. She was still comatose, hooked up to a bunch of equipment and IVs and breathing really shallow. Obviously the move did a number on her, and she looked worse than when she was in the hospital.

She was gonna die if Friedrich didn't come soon. At this point he wouldn't be able to come in unnoticed.

Luckily, Friedrich decided to show up by his own accord, Medigun and all. He apparently was tired of me trying to come up with a way to get them out of the house, and once the ambulance got here, he must've figured at this point they weren't gonna leave.

"Out of my vay," he said to everyone who was clogging the hall and her bedroom, standing around like a bunch of confused sheep.

Luckily my brothers didn't get a good, long look at Friedrich, other than he was carrying some pretty funky equipment. He shooed them out of her room and closed the door, and they were left with hardly any time at all to see. The only ones that were allowed to stay were Engineer and Spy, posing as paramedics.

We all sat in our living room on the couches, tense and uncertain about the situation. It was Vince who spoke first. He always spoke first.

"So that doctor in there is a merc you met. A guy you work with?"

"Yeah."

"You sure he knows what he's doing?"

"Yeah."

"I don't know, Punkin'. She looked pretty bad."

"Trust me… he knows what he's doing."

"Who is he?"

"His name's Friedrich. He's from Germany. That's all I really know about him."

"He's German?" Vince raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah. He…survived the Holocaust, actually."

"Oh" Vince blinked. "Wow."

"Yeah."

"What was that funny thing he was carrying?"

I hesitated.

Slowly, I looked up at the ceiling, as though I expected to see something there. Or maybe I was tryin' to see through it, to the sky, to the universe.

"A miracle."


	9. Zusammen

_A/N: Hey guys! Here's another chapter for you, and I've got a few things I'd like to announce/ask._

_1. Since this story is being so well received, I am definitely going to write a sequel. I have ideas for a sequel already so I think it will be fun. My question is, would you prefer the sequel to be added on to this story so you don't have to fish for a separate FFdot net entry for it, or would you prefer the sequel be submitted as something like "Motives 2" as a separate entry? Let me know what you think._

_2. BIG thanks to Wepul, SiberianTiger, and StarFire for your wonderful new reviews. In particular StarFire- I was kind of blown away to get such a good review, ha. Part of me feels like my story isn't deserving of that level of praise, but thank you very much nonetheless - I really appreciate it, and it's stuff like that which encourage me to continue this story._

_3. The story's conclusion- at least, the "first book", will most likely be in the next chapter. I originally planned for 10 chapters for this, though it might be 11 if I can't realistically tie off the 'grand finale' in one chapter. However, since I WILL be writing a sequel, there will be more, so if you enjoyed this story so far I hope i can continue to provide interesting material for the second book. It'll probably be shorter, though, just to warn you._

_4. Also, I forgot to mention this: the names of Scout's brothers are a tribute to the fan-fiction "Why Rainbows Make Me Cry." I actually didn't intentionally do this to begin with; I actually named Scout's brothers after what my room mate called them in a private roleplay we did, and so I used the names she used, and she just informed me today that she got most of the names from "Why Rainbows Make Me Cry". So if you are the author of that story, I'm sorry if this bothers you- it was purely unintentional at first but I decided not to go through and change the names because I am assuming you won't mind- if you do i will change them immediately! And to anyone reading this, go look up that fic, because it's good!_

_Thanks for your continued interest in "Motives" and i look forward to seeing your reactions to the finale, and future installments!_

* * *

My brothers went to their room after a while, but I stayed in the lounge, curled up on a couch. I wasn't able to sleep, even though I was pretty damn exhausted. I was too worried about my ma. There was still a chance we were too late. Spy went back to the ambulance to take it back to the hospital, and Engineer took Friedrich's van to pick him up and bring him back.

Some time after my brothers went back in their room, Spy and Engineer finally came back home. They came over to me, finally out of their doctor costumes. They took their seats on the recliners nearby. For a moment it took us a while to say anything… we were just sitting there. We went through so much to get here, and now that we were finally here… it seemed all there was left to do was just breathe.

Then, it was Spy that spoke first.

"...You surprised me, Scout."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know how you managed to form this friendship with the RED Medic. But if you hadn't… he wouldn't be here… and neither would she."

"Friendship?" I blinked at the Spy. "Look, all I did was pull his heartstrings a little. Got him to feel bad so he'd come help us."

"Do you even know anything about that man?" Spy asked. There wasn't any edge in his voice, just… exhaust. He still seemed to be having trouble processing everything.

"Yeah, I do." I straightened my spine a little.

"He does not care at all what happens to us. He only cares about one thing. He's only working as a mercenary for his son. He has no motivation or obligation to the rest of his own team, even less so, the BLU team. So how did you do it? I have a hard time believing that some, eh- 'heartstring tugging' would've convinced him to travel halfway across the country for her."

My shoulders slumped slightly as I tried to process this. To be honest, now that I thought about it… It was… surprisingly easy to convince Friedrich to come. Heck, based on what I knew about him, he had absolutely no reason to come.

"The only thing I can think of for why he did this is that he actually cares about you." The Spy continued. "Which puzzles me to no end. I'm surprised. You've caught me off guard, Scout."

And then to hear the Spy admit something like THAT…

The Spy's been watchin' me since day one. I always knew he was watchin'. Keepin' tabs on me, hoverin' behind me like some kind of hawk. It was an uncomfortable feelin' and I wasn't always sure why he was watching me so much and so long. I could only guess my ma asked him to keep up with me for me. He's been dating my ma for the past several months, for what reason, I have no idea. I honestly don't know why she'd go for a slimy guy like Spy.

But besides that… what really threw me for a loop was what he said about Friedrich. The old man really cared about me? I had a hard time believing that.

Finally, Dell spoke before I could get a word in. I hadn't heard him talk in a long time, not much since the wreck. In the back of my mind I was a little worried about him, kinda.

"…Until today, I knew nothin' about that doctor." He said. "I just wanted to spend my vacation with my family… wasn't expectin' to get dragged across the country for this." He tugged uncomfortably at the collar of the hospital coat he wore. "…But I… I don't regret it. I'm glad I came."

"Really?" I asked. "Even… after that wreck?"

"…It was my fault. I shouldn't have pushed his buttons. I… I didn't know about what he went through in Germany. I really thought he was a former Nazi."

"I did too." I said quietly.

The Spy didn't say anything. Whether or not he already knew the doctor's background wasn't clear. He just folded his fingers across his chest and leaned back in the recliner.

"How did you guys manage to get out of the hospital so fast, anyway? I wasn't… thinking the plan would've gone that smoothly." I asked.

The Spy chuckled and the Engineer rubbed his tired eyes and groaned, "oh man."

"It was a close call, I'll have to admit." The Spy answered. "A nurse saw after I cloaked and snuck into a worker's lounge to steal some clothes. I had to… put her out."

"You killed her!?"

"No, of course not! Just knocked her out for a bit. She'll probably be fine, headaches aside." The Spy waved his hand. "After I suited up, a few finishing touches with some make-up and I was looking fairly close to your mother's doctor."

"I had to follow the real guy all the way to another room where he was talkin' with another patient." The Engineer replied. "After he was done with his conversation I had to engage him in small-talk… he kept tryin' to get past me, so I had to keep makin' up more things to say. He almost saw the Spy when he went into your mom's room- luckily I was able to distract him enough and keep him from goin' in there."

"If another patient hadn't buzzed for him to come in and help them with something, we wouldn't have gotten out of that one." The Spy continued. "He caught a glimpse of me and his curiosity would've convinced him to come take a look."

"After that, we managed to get her out of there… luckily the Spy knew what he was doin', because I don't know a thing about hospitals." Engie replied. "Somebody did ask us where we were goin'- we just told them it was an emergency and they didn't think to stop us."

"When her real doctor figures out she's missing, he'll look for her." Spy said. "But I already prepared for that. I entered in to the hospital system where she's been relocated to. By then, I'm sure Friedrich would've worked his magic and then she will have shown enough improvement to stay."

"So we still might have to deal with the hospital…?" I sighed.

"There was no way around it. They may insist on taking her back."

"What if they press charges or somethin'?" I asked.

Spy shrugged. "Then the story will come out. I'll explain that I was the one who took her back here, as I am her fiance. But it should be obvious at that point that by doing this, her life was saved."

I blinked. Twice.

What?

"W-wait a second, wait a second. Fiance!?"

Spy's eyebrows shot up. "Oh? It seems I forgot to tell you."

"You're ENGAGED to her!?"

"I am."

Oh man. Oh man oh man oh man. I was gonna get the SPY as a father! As if my life couldn't get any worse already! I just stared at him, jaw-dropped.

"Well, thanks for the enthusiasm." The Spy sighed and took a cigarette out of his pocket, lighting it and sticking it in his mouth.

"Well, sorry, _dad_, for not showing my undying support."

He chuckled and didn't say anything else.

After a brief silence, Dell looked over in the direction of Mom's room and murmured, "I sure hope she's okay. The Doc's been in there a while…"

Some time passed. "A while" turned into "hours." Friedrich was in there with her for _hours_. As far as I remember, it didn't take long for the Medigun to fix somebody. So why was it takin' him so long now?

I sat there for so long… the evening darkened as the moon was covered up by clouds, and the trees outside swayed in a strong wind. There was a storm coming. Before long, the wind howled and rain pounded on our roof. Thunder boomed somewhere in the distance. I rubbed my arms and lowered my head. I was cold, but I didn't bother getting up to get a blanket. Engie was snoring. Spy was still awake, still with a cigarette in his mouth. Probably his third one by now.

And finally… finally, there was a sign of life from Ma's room.

Friedrich opened the door and stepped into the hall, approaching the living room. He dragged his feet and his head was held low. His entire posture seemed to speak of defeat.

I felt my heart jump to my throat and I tensed on the edge of my seat. "Doc?" I squeaked through a tight throat.

He lifted his head to look at me, his gaze exhausted and defeated.

Then, a crooked smile spread on his lips.

"She's fine. I got to her just in time."

My mouth hung open for a while, then I let out a half-chuckle, half-sigh. "Don't scare me like that, Doc." I choked. "By the look on your face, I thought she was dead…"

Friedrich shook his head. "No, she's fine… I healed all that I could vith zhe Medigun, but zhere vas much more I needed to do vith surgery. I'm sure she vill vake up in a few hours…" He continued dragging his feet into the living room, and crumpled into the nearest seat he could get to: the one right next to me on the couch.

When he sat down I heard him let out a long breath, as though he had been unable to really breathe for ages. He leaned his head back. I saw sweat glistening on his forehead under the dull light shining through our windows. He was probably just exhausted out of his mind- we all were.

"Did you hear that, Spy?" I looked over at the Frenchman, but although he was still sitting in the chair with a cigarette clenched between his lips, he seemed to be asleep.

My shoulders slumped and I returned my attention to Friedrich. His heavy eyelids seemed glued shut, and he, too, seemed to already be out cold.

I got up off the couch and slipped a quilt off of the back of Spy's recliner. I had to tug it a bit to get it out from underneath his back, but eventually I got it free without waking him up. Then, I walked over to Friedrich and draped the quilt over his body as carefully as I could.

"…Thanks, Doc."

I watched him for a few more moments, then left as quietly as I could. I went back to my old room and slipped into my old bed. I fell asleep, knowin' my family was gonna be okay.

.

I didn't get to sleep very long. Some people from the hospital came by to interrogate Spy a few hours later. I heard bangin' on the door and Spy answered it, his tired voice addressing some strangers. I could tell from their voices that they sounded official. Quietly I got up out of bed, joinin' my brothers to eavesdrop on the conversation.

I can't exactly remember everythin' they said. I was pretty shaken up. But I do remember the officials comin' to check on my ma, and that's when I cracked my door open to take a peek. Two police officers and a hospital doctor stood in the hall, with Spy standin' in front showin' them to my ma's room.

When they went into Ma's room, I could hear her voice. She sounded so weak, so tired, but I heard her. She was talkin'. She was … flirtin' with them. Flirtin' with the police officers.

"As you men can see, she has completely recovered even as the doctors at the hospital insisted she was going to die within hours. As her fiancé, I had to do something. I wasn't going to leave her to die in a hospital. She needed to be here, with her family."

"There were other ways to communicate that to the staff-"

"And waste precious time? As you can see, her condition has completely reversed."

After some silence, I heard the doctor say, "…This is impossible."

"Miracles happen, sir."

"…She seems to have almost completely recovered. I-… I've never seen anything like this before. I don't know what to say."

"Mmm… that's my wonderful, handsome man…" I heard my ma say to Spy, "…I wouldn't have wanted it any other way…"

After some more talk about legal stuff I didn't care really to listen much to, the officials and the doctor all left the house… and they didn't take Ma with them. After hearin' her voice, knowin' she was awake, I had to go see her. We all had to go see her. Me and my brothers all went into her room, with me in the lead.

There she was, layin' in the bed, her dark hair spread about the pillow. She had life in her face, color in her cheeks, and although her eyes drooped with weariness, she smiled bright when she saw me and spread her arms out in a familiar invitation to hug. Tears came to my eyes. I shuffled over to her like a baby.

I leaned down and carefully hugged her, burying my face in her neck and feelin' her arms cradle me, as they always have, ever since I was a boy. She even smelled the same. Everythin' about her was the same- just as I remembered. I finally felt that I was home.

.

It happened to be Thanksgiving day that morning. I'd completely forgotten about Thanksgiving, but now I remembered the whole reason why we were able to get leave from mercenary work to begin with. And now that it was here, I couldn't think of a more ironically appropriate holiday possible to celebrate. When dawn broke, I went into the living room to find Friedrich still on the couch, now spread out over it instead of sleeping sitting up, all bundled up in that quilt I gave him like a burrito. I couldn't help but to find it a little funny.

Dell was still asleep in the recliner as well, but Spy was in the room with my ma. He was talkin' to her- he's been talkin' to her all morning. It didn't bother me. I was able to talk with her for a while too, but she needed her rest, and so did I. I went back to sleep a while after I saw her that night, and I got back up when the sun came out, as did my brothers. They were usin' our telephone all day, tryin' to get a hold of my other brothers. When they finally did, they arrived later that morning when they heard the news: George and Harris. Now all that was missin' was Mike and Nate, but, no one knew where they were anymore. They vanished a long time ago. Nate's been in an out of jail and Mike, well… I hope he's okay. I liked him a lot growing up.

When they showed up, they actually brought food with them. Which was great, because I realized how damn hungry I was. Apparently when Vince called them, he told them to bring food, and lots of it. They brought turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, green beans, potatoes- you know, all the stuff you'd expect to see at a Thanksgiving dinner. Sure, it was all store-bought and wasn't cooked by Ma, but it didn't matter to me. I was just glad to have somethin' to eat.

Spy brought Ma in to the kitchen in a wheelchair. She couldn't walk yet, but it was great just to see her with her whole family now. Friedrich and Dell woke up when they smelled the food, so we waited for everybody to get to the table before we had dinner. I don't even remember what all we talked about. I was just so damn hungry I spent more time crammin' my face than actually talking. Mostly it was my brothers who blabbed everybody's ears off.

There was a lot of laughing, that I remember. I laughed too. Hell, I laughed my head off. I laughed until I cried. Or maybe I really was crying.

I just couldn't believe this was happening.

My Ma was alive, and almost all of my brothers were here. On top of that, Dell and Friedrich were here too and they didn't seem all that upset. In fact, they seemed happy, too. Like they were glad they came. As I thought about it, I realized somethin' about both of them that I never thought about before.

I wasn't sure if I believed in God or not, but I did believe this: Friedrich and Dell… and heck, even Spy… _they_ were miracles.

We got to have Thanksgiving, after all.

.

We couldn't stay for very long. That was the only downside to our "vacation" at home. We had to go all the way back to Kansas or we'd miss our deadline and risk gettin' fired, and no one could afford that- especially Friedrich.

Speakin' of Friedrich, he looked terrible. I mean, physically. Dell looked bad too, but Friedrich looked worse. I mean, I wasn't expecting him to look bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, but he was so weak he could hardly keep his eyes open. After we ate, he fell back asleep on the couch and didn't say much at all. We'd all been through a lot to get up here and the stress was probably doin' a number on him. So, to save on money for train tickets, Spy decided to come with us on the way back to Kansas, and he offered to take turns drivin' with Dell to give the Doc a break.

The more I thought about it, the more… bad I felt. Friedrich saved my mom's life. I owed him a lot- more than I could ever give.

After a few hours of restin', I said goodbye to my brothers and my ma. I knew they were going to take good care of her. She was lookin' better and better as the day went on. It was sad havin' to say goodbye after such a short time seein' them, but at least she was alive, and I knew she would be alright. I hugged her goodbye, Dell got Friedrich up, and the four of us headed back to Friedrich's van. Dell actually had to help him walk.

When we were all in the car and on the road again, things were sort of a blur. I was still tryin' to process everything that happened to us up until now… and when it was finally over, I still didn't feel like it was. It was a strange feeling… like things haven't exactly ended yet. Spy was drivin' on the way back, Engineer was in the passenger seat and the Doc was in the chair next to me. It was leaned back as far as it would go, which wasn't very far, and he was asleep again in moments after setting on the road again.

I don't remember much. Just the world going by, and my mind spinnin' at a million miles an hour- too fast to really remember what I was thinkin' about, but I knew I was thinkin' about a lot.

I don't remember how far we traveled until this happened, but I do remember everythin' comin' back to reality when the Doc spoke up, seemingly out of nowhere.

"Dell? Are you avake?"

"Mmhmm. I'm drivin,' fella."

I opened my eyes. The Spy was asleep in the passenger seat now and Dell was the one who was drivin'.

"…I'm sorry."

"Huh? What are you sorry for?"

"I never got a chance to apologize to you. Zhat accident vas my fault. You could have died."

"Huh? Oh… that. It's okay, I wasn't mad at you or anythin'… honestly I thought I should be the one apologizin'."

"…You vere just expressing your beliefs. I should have respected you."

"It's okay. I… I wasn't respecting you, either."

It took me a while to remember what the heck they were talkin' about, but then I remembered. It was actually MY fault for bringing up that topic to begin with- I remembered it now. But since it was fresh on my mind, I decided to risk yet another exploration into the topic. Mostly because it was somethin' I was thinkin' about, and I wanted to get it off my chest.

"…I know you guys have different opinions on God and stuff…" I spoke quietly, "…and I don't know what I think, myself…" I fidgeted a little bit, not sure why. "…But I can't help but to feel like... you guys are a miracle. And… I wanted to thank you guys. Especially Friedrich. You… didn't need to come all the way out here- heck, I'm not sure I-… I'm not sure I even deserved it." I looked down and interlocked my fingers nervously.

I'm not sure what I saw on Friedrich's face when I looked over at him. But whatever it was, it was… content? Happy? Even as it was weary, somethin' there was genuine. He didn't say anything.

"…We don't deserve a lot of things. None of us do." Dell said quietly. "…But I think that's all the more reason why we should give people what they don't deserve. Because that says somethin' about us, and it says soemthin' about them. That even though we don't deserve somethin'… we're worth it. Kinda strange… but I've found most of the true things in life, are a paradox."

As we drove towards the barren lands of Kansas with the sun shrinking and the sky darkening around us, I couldn't have felt more happy, more grateful, more alive.


	10. Umbringen

A/N: Hello everyone! I believe my big-old-long list of notes in the previous chapter led to an unfortunate misunderstanding: The previous chapter was not the final chapter, and **neither is this one! **I was planning for 10 chapters initially, but it seems I'm in need of one more chapter to properly tie off this story- or at least, the "first book" as this is.

So, don't fret. **This is not the end of the first story. **But I have been planning this scene from the beginning (if the story cover wasn't a hint enough already xD). Just sit back and wait for me to get the final chapter uploaded some time in the weekend, and I hope you enjoy the conclusion when it comes!

Thanks SiberianTiger and ThisStatementIsFalse for the lovely reviews, I just hope it's still applicable when the real conclusion comes around. Sit tight!

* * *

When we were back at the base, I want to say that mercenary work continued as it always did. But, I really can't say that things were exactly the same. In fact, it was… really kinda different. Not different in a bad way… just, different. Like, maybe I hesitated a few times to pull the trigger when Friedrich and Dell were in my way. I smack-talked them as I always did, but somewhere in the back of my mind I found myself hopin' they understood it was all for show.

I don't know if they felt the same… reservations that I did about killin' me. I think they did, though. It was somethin' in their eyes- …at least, Friedrich's eyes, not sure about Dell… that said he didn't view me quite the same way as he always did. I don't know. Maybe I'm just makin' stuff up. From here on out, we knew it was really strictly business. Kill each other, get paid for it, come back from the dead and do it again.

And so life in the deserts and dustbowls continued. On occasion Friedrich would ask me to test a new drug for him, and I'd give him the results. Save for that, it was pretty much the same sort of work I was used to. And I'm gonna skip ahead a bit, because not much happened for a while. At least, not until Christmas. When December rolled around, that was when Friedrich came to me with an interesting question that I wasn't really expecting.

It was an unusually frigid day- I remember bundlin' up in a sweater and scarf and preparin' for my day when Friedrich randomly showed up in our base. It was the first time he actually came into the BLU base himself, takin' a risk of bein' fried by the Pyro on first sight. I was just putting my socks on when I heard him knockin' on my door.

I opened it and blinked at him incredulously. "Doc? What're you doin' here?"

"I vas vondering somezhing. Can I come in?"

"Uh, sure." I step aside and let him in.

The doctor entered quietly, his arms folded behind his back. Under the dull fluorescent light I spent a moment to look him over. He seemed older than he was a few weeks ago. I'm not sure what it was- maybe a few extra gray hairs sprung up on his head, maybe it was a new line in his forehead that I hadn't noticed before. He got himself new glasses the day he got back from Boston, and they looked almost the same as the old ones did- but still, something struck me about them as giving him a bit of an older look, too.

"I know you might vant to go back to Boston and spend Christmas with your family…" The doctor began quietly, "…but I vas vondering if you… vould like to meet Klaus."

I stared at him for a moment.

This really came out of nowhere. I really wasn't expecting him to invite me along to see his son. To be honest, I've been really wanting to meet Klaus ever since I heard about him… but to spend my Christmas break to do it? It was a bit of a big decision to make all at once. So I just stared for a few minutes, scratching my head and tryin' to come up with an answer.

"I… I wasn't expectin' this, Doc." I gave him a weak smile.

"You don't have to, you know. It vas just an idea- I don't mind if you'd rather refuse."

"No- no, I… I want to visit him." I said, "I just- you know, I do want to see Ma again, see how she's doin' and all that…"

"Of course."

"…I'm just gonna need a few minutes to decide, is all."

"Take your time."

I picked my hat up off my wardrobe and stuck it on my head while I concentrated. I did just see Ma and my brothers just a month ago… but I wanted to see them again, see how she's changed and all that… but then, of course, Spy was gonna be there. I felt a scowl form on my lips. Maybe it'd be better if I actually left Spy and Ma in peace. Besides, it wasn't every day I could have a chance like this, to meet the kid I've been indirectly helping for the past several months.

"…Y'know? Life's short, Doc." I finally said as I turned to face him. "I'll go with ya."

He cracked a smile- a small one, but it was definitely there. "Gut, gut… danke." He said in German. "Ve still haff zhree days in case you vill change your mind…"

"Nah, I won't change my mind."

I wasn't the type of guy to go against my word once I had somethin' in my head. So it was settled, right then and there- I was gonna go with the Doc for Christmas. I'd have to call my Ma later and tell her- I'm sure she'd understand.

.

We took Friedrich's van to the rehabilitation center where Klaus was staying. It wasn't too far away- just a few hours North. Oh, Aleksandr came along too. I never actually talked to him much, but I always wondered why he stuck around Friedrich so much. I gathered that they knew each other, but why was he always sticking with Friedrich during vacation? Maybe he didn't have a family to visit?

Of course I wasn't about to ask him what his background was like. For all I know he could've had just as traumatic of a history as Friedrich himself. Maybe they were intertwined somehow. I had no way of knowin', just… mostly speculation.

When we finally arrived, the three of us wasted no time makin' our ways to Klaus's room. I had a present tucked under my arm- y'know, no sense in visitin' someone for Christmas and not getting them a Christmas present. Friedrich and Aleksandr brought gifts too. We made our way down the long hallways until we found his door.

Friedrich hesitated a moment, his hand resting on the doorknob but not turning it. It wasn't a long pause, but just long enough for me to notice.

When we entered, I saw him. A young guy, seated in a wheelchair, facing away from us so I couldn't see his face. He was starin' out the window. The afternoon sun cast long shadows across the clean floor. When he heard us come in, he turned his wheelchair to face us. He looked exactly how I would've expected a younger Friedrich to look. He had a full head of dark hair, and just like his dad, he needed glasses. I suppose the main difference between them was that Klaus was so frail. His scrawny limbs showed obvious signs of atrophy.

There was a cat in his lap, too: nearly pure black with a white neck and chin, kinda like a tuxedo. The room was so quiet I could hear it purring. Klaus was stroking it slowly, each time his hand swept down the cat's spine, the tail shot up in the air.

Aleksandr pushed his giant body through the doorway after Friedrich and I came in. He greeted Klaus with his typical baritone laugh and clapped a hand as gently as he could on the guy's shoulder. "How is the little man? Doing well today?" He asked.

"I'm alright, Aleksandr." He replied, expressionless as he looked up at the Russian. "I vas vondering vhen you vould show up. It's a little later than usual." His German accent was detectible but not as strong as his father's.

I watched as Friedrich walked up next to him and gave him a hug, though it was one of the most detached hugs between a parent and child that I'd ever seen. Maybe it was the way Klaus barely managed to slip an arm over his father's back , or maybe the fact that it lasted only a few moments before Friedrich pulled away, or the lack of words shared between the two… I don't know. Maybe I was reading into it too much, but it seemed to be some sort of complicated moment for the two of them.

"Is that him?" Klaus asked, his blue eyes turning to meet mine. He was still expressionless- he didn't seem either happy or sad to see us here. The cat twitched its ears and lifted its head to look around the room at the newcomers.

"Ja. Zhis is zhe Scout."

"Do you have a real name?" Klaus asked, quirking an eyebrow at me. The first sign of emotion I've seen on him yet.

"Yeah, I gotta name." I stick my chest out a bit proudly. "Pheidippides."

"Rejoice, for we conquer." Klaus responded, the slightest of smirks tugging the corners of his mouth.

"Yeah." I said, scratching the back of my head. "That's me." I fidgeted with the package in my hands. "I brought you this- um… Merry Christmas." I held it out to him, and he took it.

"Danke."

"I brought little man one, too." Aleksandr handed him the package, and Friedrich handed his off without a word.

"Danke, danke." Klaus responded, wasting little time in opening the scant few presents he was given. Coincidentally, they were all books. The one I gave him was one of my favorites. I've read it so many times I don't really need it anymore. "The Grapes of Wrath". The two other books, I didn't bother looking, but Klaus seemed interested in them. At least, I hoped he was. I already gathered that the kid was kind of hard to read, despite his fascination with books.

"I've been vanting to read zhis one for a vhile. Danke, Aleksandr… Danke, Vater."

Friedrich lowered his head. "I haven't read it, myself. I… haven't had much time for reading anything but medical texts lately."

"I understand."

"Is good book, that one." Aleksandr pointed a meaty finger at a book in Klaus's hand. "Found German translation… though I read Russian one."

"Mmhmm… Scout, I didn't take you for the type to enjoy literature." Klaus looked back up at me.

"Yeah, I read a bit. Why?"

"From what Vater told me, you're more of an athletic type."

"Yeah, I am."

"Vhat is it like?" He asked, placing his stack of books carefully in a basket near his chair and turning his attention back to his cat. "Running so freely, no fear of death, dashing to victory like Pheidippides once did?"

I fidgeted uncomfortably. I wasn't sure why, but something about Klaus… struck me as lonely, just now. His emotions so guarded, just like his dad… but probably just masking something deeper.

"…I feel like I'm free."

"…Vater told me much about you. He said ve are a lot alike, in many vays…" he sighed. "But in zhis vay, ve are different. You are free… and I'm not."

My heart tightened up a little and I felt a weight in my chest just then, one I couldn't describe. Without thinking, I blurted, "You're gonna be cured, Klaus. Then maybe you can be a merc, just like me."

Klaus let out an airy, voiceless chuckle. "Mm. We'll see."

That's all I feel like tellin' you about what we talked about, kid. We spent three days at the rehabilitation center with Klaus. Aleksandr talked most of the time. Friedrich hardly talked at all. I don't know how to describe it. I don't think they didn't like each other, or that there was tension between them… but maybe the father and son had a way of speaking that was on a different level. Like they could communicate something just with their presence, or maybe they couldn't. Maybe just… being there, being quiet, was enough for them to feel loved. Or maybe they didn't. I don't even know what I think- but I hope whatever it is, they're okay.

Before I left, Klaus thanked us for coming and asked if I could come again some day. I told him I would, and that was that.

I don't think it was as exciting of a Christmas break as I would've had going back home, but I do think it was worth it, at least to see Klaus.

When we came back to merc duty the next week, I was refreshed and ready to start makin' some money. Friedrich seemed to be in good spirits, too, so generally things were back to normal on the battlefront.

Now, kid… I almost forgot why I was tellin' you this story to begin with. But now that I've got all that out of the way, Im finally here. This is the thing I've been wantin' you to know about me. Yeah, it was kinda a long story up until now and I admit, I got a bit carried away. But I want you to pay attention now, 'cause this is important. Otherwise I've just wasted my time if you don't listen to this. This is the whole reason why I've said so much up until now. Everythin' boils down to this. Because if Friedrich hadn't changed my life enough already, he certainly did then.

It was a chilly, stormy February afternoon that left us in the same situation as when I started tellin' you this story. A misplaced bolt of lightning took out the power in both RED and BLU bases, and the Respawns were completely out. The problem was, it happened in the heat of a fight, the high point of a match. It happened when I had the RED intelligence on my back, and I was a big RED target. And no one knew the machines were broken yet.

No one but Friedrich and Dell.

I think they were in the Respawn room when it happened- and they were the first two people to know about it. At this time I was caught in a crossfire outside the RED fort. Demoman was lobbing grenades at me, Heavy was unloading his minigun in my direction, and Sniper had his bow focused on my head. Thanks to some soda I drank earlier I was feelin' really hyped up and was dodgin' bullets left and right, not really all that worried about what would happen. In fact, I think I was a little overconfident.

Then I saw him comin'. He was unarmed, gesturing with those red-gloved hands of his raised high in the air, the tails of his labcoat wavin' behind him like a white flag. Dell was followin' close behind, but he was a lot slower than Friedrich. And they were both yellin'. Screamin'.

In that moment in time, I could only remember thre things happenin' all at once.

I heard Dell scream somethin' about a broken Respawn.

Friedrich pushed me down.

And the Sniper had loosed an arrow aimed right where I was once standin'.

I hit the ground. All the breath rushed out of me. I coughed and gasped in the cloud of dust I kicked up. I tried to process what happened. I felt somethin' warm and wet dripping on my chest.

My eyes focused and I saw Friedrich standin' over me, teetering, his head tilted back to the clouds and his arms dangling loosely at his sides. An arrow was sticking out of his chest, blood dripping from the fresh wound. He was wheezing. His chest heaved every breath, struggling to draw it in. His exhales were nothing but strangled, liquidy coughs that brought fresh blood trickling down his chin.

Then it hit me.

The Respawns were down.

Friedrich was dying.

He was really dying.

And it could've been me.

I heard Aleksandr roar. He dropped his minigun and charged to the doctor's side.

"Friedrich! Friedrich!"

By then the Engineer had caught up with us. His jaw was loose and his hands were shaking. He watched Aleksandr attempt to take the arrow out of Friderich's chest in a blind panic, and he screamed, "Heavy! Don't touch that arrow!"

The Heavy's large hand recoiled from the fletching and he looked over at Engineer, wide-eyed and terrified.

"We need to keep him alive until Respawn comes back!" The Engineer said, his voice teetering on the edge of panic.

I willed myself to get up. I was just in the way. There was nothing I could do. I just stared at him, stared at the red-stained coat, the way he gaped like a dying fish struggling to breathe out of water. I don't know what I was thinkin'- maybe I was in shock, but I reached down and picked up Friedrich's glasses that had fallen from his face, and carefully held on to them.

There was nothin' I could do. I was completely useless, completely helpless… and here he was, dying in my stead.

Sniper came down from his perch. I shot him a look that I hoped could really kill him- but in the end, all it was, was a look. He didn't even seem to notice me. He came runnin' across the dust, lanky legs driving him forward as fast as he could.

"I'm sorry!" He called. "I didn't know! I didn't mean to- … I was aiming for the Scout-!" He blabbered, his words strung together so tight it was nearly incoherent.

"Go get the doors open to the Medic's infirmary, Private Sniper! Private Heavy, pick him up and take him over there! Private Engineer, disable any and all defensive structures!" The Soldier was suddenly in the scene, barking orders and tryin' to keep everyone together. "I'm surprised the Administrator hasn't said anything yet, but it seems we've gotta take care of this problem ourselves,  
maggots!"

I don't know where the Spy and Pyro were in that moment, but they couldn't have been far. I was too focused on followin' Aleksandr to worry about where they were. The Heavy had leaned down and carefully scooped up Friedrich and began to take him away as fast as his little legs could take him. I followed, feelin' the weight of what he had done crushin' me.

The Heavy brought Friedrich into the infirmary, and Sniper, Dell, and Soldier were already waitin' inside. I entered after Heavy. Spy and Pyro weren't around, neither was Demoman.

"Where's his medigun?! Find it!" Soldier barked.

Everyone was searchin' his office for a Medigun. It was Aleksandr who found one first- it wasn't the one Friedrich usually used, but it'd have to do. He seemed to know what he was doin'- he held it up to Friedrich and turned it on.

The injured doctor seemed to be growing increasingly weaker. He was still struggling to breathe, even as Aleksandr operated the Medigun, Friedrich didn't seem to be improving much. He was still fadin'. Just fadin' slower. The color was gone from his face, and he seemed to be struggling more and more just to breathe.

"Can we take the arrow out?" Aleksandr asked.

"It's risky… what if the Medigun can't bring him back to health in time? We don't know what that arrow pierced… if we yank it out he could die immediately." Engineer said.

"But if we leave it in there, he won't improve!"

"We can't take a risk- just leave the beam on him until the power comes back."

"These guns are made with batteries," Aleksandr replied. "It won't last forever!"

And just like that, the gun cut off.

Seemed Friedrich hadn't fully charged this prototype Medigun, because only moments after Aleksandr turned it on, it cut off again. The beam of energy dissipated. The electricity stopped. And Friedrich stopped breathing.

Silence.

No one said a word.

No one moved.

The Sniper gripped his head with both hands and just stared.

Then the power came back on. The lights flickered back to life and the base hummed with life again, but no one moved. We were all just… stuck in that moment, that moment of being too late. For a few minutes, we just stood there, watching the doctor, as though he might suddenly move again, come back to life along with the rest of the lights in the base, but he never did.

I couldn't stop myself from what I did next. I approached Friedrich's body and punched him. I punched him as hard as I could. I beat my fists on his chest and screamed.

"DAMMIT FRIEDRICH! WHO'S GOING TO SAVE KLAUS NOW!? YOU JUST – GAVE HIM UP! YOU GAVE HIM UP AND I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!"

"Stop! STOP IT!" Aleksandr grabbed me, and hard. He jerked me away from Friedrich, his hands nearly crushing my arms as he grabbed them and stopped me from punching him.

I sobbed- I sobbed like a baby. I struggled to get out of Aleksandr's grasp but he just held me harder. My back pressed against the chain of bullets over his vest. I just couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe what happened.

When I first became a Merc, I would've never expected the most terrifying member of the other team ever to die in my place. Before I knew him, I was scared of him. I once hated him. No one really liked him that I could tell.

And now here he was… stuck with an arrow, bleeding like a slaughtered animal, struck down by his own team so he could save me.

And he was dead.


	11. Leben

I can see that look in your eyes, kid. You surprised? Heartbroken? You should be. I ain't lyin' to you: Friedrich was dead. The whole situation came as a shock to everyone. Moments after he'd stopped breathing and gone still, we were all just standin' around not knowin' what to do, what to say. There was still no word from the Administrator.

"Heavy." Dell suddenly spoke from nearby, turnin' his expressionless face over toward Aleksandr. "Let the Scout go. I-… let him do that. Scout, keep doin' that!"

"Do- do w-… what…?"

"Hit him! Hit him with all you've got!"

"B-but he's-"

"If we can bring him back- just for a moment- maybe the Respawn will take him! Keep hittin' him- I'm lookin' for a defibrillator!"  
No one here was a doctor. That's why Friedrich was here to begin with. And, no one here had ever seen him use a defibrillator before. There was no need to have such equipment with something like the Respawn installed. Either way, Dell had an idea I'd have to be an idiot not to try. If it was possible to give the doctor just a flicker of life… just enough to bring him back for a moment… maybe we'd get lucky. Maybe the Respawn would take him.

We'd wasted too much time standing around. It'd only been less than a minute, but still… It took Aleksandr longer than I would've wanted to loosen my arms. I squirmed a bit until the Heavy let me go, then I was at Friedrich's side again. By now I was havin' trouble keepin' my breaths steady, I was hiccuppin' like a baby, but… still, I had to try.

I kept hittin' him, just as I was earlier. I tried to focus on everythin' I've ever hated about the man while I wanted so desperately for him to live. I screamed at him but I forgot what I was saying. Time and time again I smacked his sternum until I could've sworn I cracked it. I ignored the unconvinced look that the others were undoubtedly giving me. They all believed he was lost. Hell, I believed it too… but I had to do soemthin'. Even while Dell searched in vain for somethin' more technical to use to bring him back, I knew he wouldn't find anythin' in time.

It was all down to me.

One more smack to his chest did it. I knew I felt it then- somethin' inside his chest broke.

Then it happened.

Friedrich's body suddenly began to break down. Dematerialize. Piece by piece, molecule by molecule, he was broken down right in front of our eyes. It was what the Respawn did every time someone died on the battlefield, but I never actually spent the time to sit and watch the entire process before. Usually I wasn't able to in the heat of a fight.

Maybe we weren't too late, after all…!

We couldn't waste a moment. We all knew what it meant. But would it work? We all rushed to the Respawn room nearby, just in time to see the doctor being pieced back together in the cylinder of the machine. When he was completely reconstructed, he crumpled to his knees and then flopped over on his side as he toppled out of the Respawn.

It seemed as though he was brought back dead. My heart sank. Was he gone? Did it not work?

…Then I heard it.

I heard him breathing.

Don't get too excited, kid. I know you're happy to hear that, but the story ain't over yet.

Friedrich's breathing was pained, desperate, as though he was struggling to draw in every gulp of air. He was gripping his chest where the arrow had struck him, but was no longer there. His body tensed with pain. I… didn't know what to do. For a moment I just watched him, I didn't know if I should feel happy or not. Something was wrong.

"Doc! Doc, are you alright!?" Dell cried.

"Friedrich!" Aleksandr said, his voice tight with emotion- I couldn't tell if it was joy or fear, or somehow both.

The doctor lifted his head to look at us. He coughed, tried to smile, but he couldn't. He lowered his head again. "…I -… can't … breathe…"

"What- What do you mean!?" Aleksandr asked, dropping to his side.

"…Something's wrong… I can't breathe right…" He choked.

For a moment I was afraid it was soemthin' I did, but then I realized that the Respawns always bring someone back right- they don't miss a single organ, even if we've been blown to pieces. Why couldn't Friedrich breathe? He was alive- but something was wrong. We couldn't rest yet. I was glad to see him, I really was… but I was expectin' him to keel over any minute…

I wondered, in that moment, what it'd be like to be stuck in an endless cycle of dyin' and respawnin' without end… just what the doctor didn't want to happen to Klaus. What if it happened to him?

"…T-…t-take me to my surgery. I-… need-… to see if I- can figure this out…" He gasped. "…Help me…"

There wasn't much I could do. Aleksandr helped Friedrich back into his infirmary. I guess he was doin' a self-check-up or somethin'… I don't know. I just stood in the background, waited in the doorway next to the Spy, Demoman and Pyro, who had showed up to eavesdrop but I hadn't even noticed them until now. Maybe they'd been watching the whole time.

I… don't really feel like givin' you all the details, kid. We waited outside the infirmary, the Doc and Aleksandr were in there alone. Nobody said much- we mostly just waited. Except Spy came with some news from the Administrator- apparently she could only talk to him about it when the power was out, as the intercom wasn't workin'. Said that this match was cancelled and we should have a ceasefire until the situation was resolved, but at the time she spoke to him, seemed Friedrich was dead. And now he wasn't. Either way, even after the power came on the Administrator didn't bother to communicate with us anymore anyway. I'm not entirely sure why- I didn't really care to know.

Some time later, Aleksandr came back out of the infirmary, but only to look for Friedrich's Medigun. He told him he'd dropped it somewhere along the way as he left the RED base to warn us about the Respawns. After he found it, he had gone back to the infirmary once more. They were in there for several minutes before Aleksandr made an appearance again. It was a little hard to decipher his poor English skills, but from what I gathered, he said that he needed to take the Doc to a hospital. Turns out the Respawn didn't bring him through right. The little flicker of life he had in him when he was brought back confused the machine or somethin', and he was brought through with a collapsed lung and multiple fractures in his chest. The Medigun, apparently, could only help with his fractured bones, but for some reason it didn't do anythin' about his lung.

It … was a complicated time. Most of us didn't know what we were doin'. The Administrator did finally start to communicate with us though, after she saw on camera feed what was goin' on and what Aleksandr was plannin' to do. She demanded that we kill the doctor to force him to Respawn again and see if it would fix him… nobody was too keen on the idea but Soldier. The Administrator ordered it and he seemed almost eager to do it.

At first, Aleksandr wouldn't let Soldier anywhere near Friedrich. We were afraid it wouldn't work if he was killed, even though the Respawn had never failed to bring us back before. Then the Administrator threatened to fire Aleksandr, and Friedrich told him it was okay.

Despite him takin' charge earlier and tryin' to help hold us together, I don't think Soldier was really all that interested in savin' Friedrich. I think all he wanted to do was to show off his leadership skills and pride himself on his ability to take command so militaristically. Either way, in the end, he seemed almost happy to kill the "Nazi bastard". Heh. Shows how much he knows.

Friedrich did respawn again, but nothin' changed. He still ended up crumbled on the floor in pain. The Administrator said it was too expensive and difficult to find a replacement for him, so she allowed him to be taken to a nearby hospital and see if Friedrich could be helped. She seemed more annoyed with the situation than she was anything else, kept sayin' it was just their luck that the guy who ended up all messed up happened to be the doctor. No one else knew what to do to help him.  
In the end, she said that all future fights would continue, whether or not Friedrich was there to help RED. Needless to say, it'd give RED and unfair disadvantage, but she said we couldn't afford any prolongued delays. This fight was cancelled- but all subsequent ones wouldn't be.

I didn't want to go with Aleksandr when he took Friedrich to the hospital. I felt like I'd just get in the way and I wasn't sure what to do or say. Everyone was just kinda… shellshocked. No one could really process the situation or know what to do about it. I don't even remember anyone sayin' all that much, really. Except Demoman, who took a swig from his Scrumpy and said, "Well, that was fun!" The whole time he had just been a spectator, didn't seem all that interested or excited in the situation.

Sniper actually disappeared a long time ago. I don't even remember seeing him leave- it was only when the dust was startin' to settle did I notice he was gone. Dell stuck around with me, and so did the Spy. Pyro and Soldier headed off, probably out of disinterest in what'd transpire. We were still in the RED base. I had sank onto a bench in the Respawn room, and Spy and Dell had joined me.

It was Spy who spoke first. The first person who talked to me the entire time.

"How did you do it?"

"Huh…? I – I just punched him…"

"No. How did you manage to convince him to think your life was worth his sacrifice?"

I swallowed. "…I don't know."

"Coming with you to Boston was one thing… but dying for you? You've managed to make quite the friend, Punkin'."

I didn't have anythin' to say to that. I didn't want to believe it. I really thought that he just didn't want me to die because he needed me alive to do his experiments on Klaus. Then again… no one would've been around TO experiment on me if he'd died like he thought he would. Or maybe he just didn't have time to think. Either way, I wasn't willin' to accept friendship as the reason why he'd do it.

Later that day, Dell got a call from Aleksandr as he tried to contact someone in RED. He said the doctors weren't able to save Friedrich's lung, so it had to be taken out. They said they'd need to keep him for about a week for him to recover enough to be released. Of course, if they let him go earlier, he could've just healed his surgery wounds with his Medigun instead of waitin' it out, but nobody wanted to go through another tricky process of smugglin' someone out of a hospital when it was clear they'd be okay.

In the end, we just had to be faced with the reality that Friedrich was messed up for good. For some reason, him dyin' and bein' brought back confused the machine, and now it would never bring him back together entirely, in the same way it wouldn't bring Demoman's eye back. 'Course, I was just thankful that Sniper's arrow didn't manage to hit Friedrich in the heart… if that happened he really would've never been able to come back. So, in the end, losin' a lung wasn't so bad. He'd still be able to live with it.

Anyway, kid… I'm kinda rambling now. I guess it's just… difficult for me to sum up what all happened and what all was goin' through my head, as well as everyone else's.

I do want you to know this, though. An entire day had passed and I hadn't really said much or done much at all. There was a fight scheduled for that afternoon, but… I really wasn't in the mood. I was gonna fight anyway, I just… I needed to do something. I asked Aleksandr to come pick me up and take me over to the hospital to visit Friedrich that morning. And I just wanted it to be me and Friedrich- no one else. I hadn't really talked to him since everythin' happened and I had a lot I need to get off my chest.

When we got there, Aleksandr agreed to wait outside while I went in to talk to the Doc. I couldn't stop my hands from shaking and I wasn't even sure why.  
I saw him sittin' up in his bed, his hands folded over his chest and he was starin' at the ceiling with the most utterly bored look on his face I'd ever seen. He had to have known I was there, but he didn't say anythin' or even look at me.

"H-hey Doc." I murmured.

"Hmm… hello, Herr Scout." He mumbled.

I fidgeted uncomfortably. In the silence I could hear him breathin'… it was heavier and more labored than usual, and he'd occasionally wheeze a bit. For some reason, I couldn't think of what to say to him, even though I had so much to say. It was then when I remembered I still had his glasses. I cleared my throat and took a few steps forward. I reached into my pocket and took out the glasses, and then I handed them over to him.  
That's when he looked over at me. He seemed slightly surprised to see me with them. Carefully he took them from me and put them on his pale face. It was then I noticed just how awful the guy looked, all hooked up to IVs and lookin' generally like crap.

"…Danke. I vans't able to read anything vithout them."

"Yeah, I thought you might want them." I said with a light chuckle. "…Seems you'll be stuck here for a week, huh?"

"Mm. Zhey are just doing zhere job… I just vish I could find a vay to sneak out. It's a vaste of time vhen zhese surgery incisions could be healed immediately by zhe Medigun… and I feel like shit."

I laughed, but I wasn't really sure why. "I'm sorry 'bout that, Doc…"

He shrugged.

When he didn't say anythin', things fell into silence. I shuddered a bit and looked down. "…Hey Doc?"

"Vhat?"

"Why the hell did you do it?"

"You're velcome." His voice carried a slight edge.

"No, I'm serious. Why did you do it!?"

Friedrich didn't say anything. So I raised my voice a little.

"Did you just need me to keep doin' experiments for Klaus or somethin'? Did you not know you'd get hit by that arrow?"

"I didn't have much time to think. I didn't know vhat vould'v e happened to me."

"But you did it anyway. Why, doc?"

"Vould you rather I not have?" He snapped.

"I'm sorry, I just don't understand, alright!?"

Friedrich fell silent again. I felt myself gettin' a little angry, but I had to let it go. There was no sense in arguin' with him- he wasn't gonna give me a straight answer.  
I sighed, lettin' my arms fall loose at my sides, and I lookd down at the floor.

"I hope you feel better, Friedrich."

He was quiet for a few minutes.

"Danke, Punkin'."

I looked up at him, and gave him a tiny smile.

As I left the hospital with Aleksandr and headed back to the BLU base to prepare for the afternoon fight, I couldn't stop thinkin' about what Friedrich really meant by savin' me. I want to say that he really cared about me, though. I want to say that he thought of me as close to him, just like his own son. But I'd be stupid to say that was the reason. He could very well have just been tryin' to preserve my life so that he could keep experimentin' on me, and he just didn't anticipate gettin' killed.

Either way… I think I really did think of Friedrich as a father. Still do.

Anyway, little Jack. That's my story. That's what I wanted you to know. That even though he was RED and that everybody thought he was pure evil… I don't see how anyone could keep thinkin' that after everythin' he did… and everythin' he continues to do. Yeah, he came back a week later and we still fight even though he gets weak a lot easier lately, and has a hard time breathing. He still experiments on me for Klaus, but on occasion he does surprise me with an unexpected act of kindness. I actually feel really close to him, even though he's still so distant. And that's what I wanted you ta know about people. Give 'em a chance, and they'll surprise you.  
Ah, shit. Look at the time. It's been hours. Hell, I'm surprised you stayed awake so long. Seems your ma's here now, and plus I gotta go anyway. Got another appointment with Friedrich and I don't wanna be late. But hey, ask your ma to take you by again sometime. I think I wouldn't mind tellin' you more stories.

After all, I got a lot you could learn from.

But I also think I still got a lot to learn.

* * *

A/N: Well. xD That's it. I admit I am unimpressed by how I tied this off, even though it's been in my head from the very beginning. I think it's way too condensed. I'll have to go through this and edit it later, I'm sure.

Also, I made a catastrophic mistake in an earlier chapter by forgetting to detail Friedrich learning Scout's real name. **His name really is Punkin'**. It's not a nickname. xD There's a reason for it, but you'll have to figure out in the sequel! The name is courtsey of my room-mate and I'm basically writing her Scout headcanon. So I will, in the near future, be going through this story again and fixing all continuity issues and other similar literary hiccups. And this chapter wlil probably get an overhaul at some point, but the key things remain the same: Friedrich's permanently messed up.

Obviously, I couldn't kill off Friedrich, and obviously, I had to make a sappy feel-good ending. But that's only because I need Friedrich alive, for what I have in store for him in the sequel... heh xD

Thank you everyone for enjoying Motives and I hope you still enjoyed it, even after the sappy end. :P I'll see you guys in a few weeks for the sequel: in the meantime, be checkin' back to see updated chapters. I won't be able to announce the updates, and who knows, you might find minor refinements in the story pop up here some time in the near future. :P So if you ever feel like re-reading Motives, you might find the experience better the second time around!

Also, I have another announcement: My room mate Rinley is also writing a TF2 fanfiction as well, and since our TF2 headcanons are essentially collaborative and shared, her fanfiction will feature Punkin' and Friedrich and basically will immediately follow the events of "Motives". The sequel of "Motives" will take place chronologically after her fanfiction. Just search for ~Rinley and be sure to watch her for the next installment of "Motives".

Also, because she's wanting to write a fic too and it will be the bridge between my first fic and my upcoming sequel, I'm going to make the sequel to motives as a second FF entry. So, if you want to be notified when it goes up, be sure to add me to your author alerts.

In short...

**~Rinley will be making a TF2 fan-fiction with this headcanon and these versions of the characters.**  
**The sequel to Motives will be published as a separate story entry instead of a continued off of this one.  
In the meantime, Motives will continue to be refined and polished in the future. Your continued support, reviews, and critiques are cherished.**

Thanks for reading! Much love!

~Aeo

**IMPORTANT EDIT: Rinley has already uploaded the beginning of her continuation of Motives. I wasn't expecting it to be up so fast! Just go to her profile by typing ~Rinley in your address bar next to FF dot net. (I'd make this easier if I could include links in author's notes.) **


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